GOBs O' Fun

Andy Seré
National Republican Campaign Committee

Dear Mr. Seré,

Campaigns in Tennessee are easier when one of the Fords are running. All the Republicans need to do is point out that the Ford kid wants to deflower our white women, and the voters will line up for any white guy the GOP puts up. That's the way it worked in the Ford/Corker race. Hints that Harold Ford liked white women was all it took to put a scandal-ridden mayor into the Senate.

Unfortunately, you don't have a Ford in the 8th Congressional District. The Democrats put up a white guy, Roy Herron. That means you've had to tailor your strategy a little by suggesting he's just as bad as the brown.

It looks like you ruled out calling him a Muslim. That's probably a good idea. Herron is a Christian minister. It'd be hard to convince folks he's a secret Muslim. Instead, you're hinting that he's another kind of other, the gay.

It's a strategy that'll probably work, but it may also back-fire on you. John Aravosis, a man whose commitment to the heterosexual lifestyle is somewhat suspect, is begining to wonder if you're some king of homosexualist kapo, a self-hating closet-case who destroys his own kind in exchange for a few pieces of silver.

He points to a post you made on Facebook about a "GOB party" you attended and notes that "GOB" is part of the gay lingo:

It caught my eye since "gob," among other things, is gay slang for oral sex, and for young gay sailors (and, an even odder coincidence, the party was for a military friend coming back to the states).

But, of course, "GOB" could also be an acronym for "good old boys." And there's nothing wrong with a party where good old boys get together for an old fashioned all-male naked barbecue--at least that's what I think this photo from your Facebook site depicts.



Yes, barbecues can be messy as hell. Pork and sauce flying everywhere like boy butter at one of those Patrick McHenry Retreats For Young Strapping Hetero Republican Lads. Who can blame these guys for going the bare-assed bbq rout?

And who the heck cares if there might have been some of that oral action going on as long as it wasn't sexual. Putting your little soldier in another man's mouth is like doing one of those rope courses. It builds trust. It builds unit cohesion. It's the way true warriors bond with each other. Ask Lindsey Graham. He's in the reserves.

There are more photos of the party at Americablog, but they're pretty much the same: just shirtless guys bonding with each other. It looks like a lot of fun. I can see why you enjoyed it.

I hope you don't ignore Aravosis. You need to respond and explain the way of the warrior so people understand.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

P.s. I don't care if your last name looks French. Real warriors understand that the little thing above the "e" signals that you're erect and ready for combat. It makes us all tingly inside when we look at it.

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