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Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Faith-Based Pre-Natal Care

Joshua DuBois
White House Office of Faith-based and Neighborhood Partnerships

Dear Mr. Dubois,

A fellow man of God needs our help. The Australian government fired psychologist Mark Edward Tynan for taking a faith-based approach with his patients. Apparently, the government objected to his work with fetuses who were being "programmed" by the Illuminati.

The programming consisted of exposing them "to ‘hostile chemicals’ [ingested] by the mother or by injecting it into the amniotic fluid and poking with needles." Additionally, the Illuminati applied electrical shocks the the pre-born. The shocks and the chemicals caused the fetuses to experience their "first death/near death experience and the first sense of intense fear or terror." In other words, the Illuminati are recruiting our unborn babies by scaring the Jesus out of them.

Let me assure you that Pastor Tynan acted professionally in his practice. He consulted with experts and invited demon exorcists to assist in his sessions.

It'd be a shame if all his knowledge and experience went to waste. I hope you will consider inviting him to serve on your staff.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

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  1. That picture you have up: it's like Lamaze, but for garden gnomes. Awesome.


  2. There's only one problem with that picture - his knees should be on her elbows. Should she come out from under her sedation early and become possessed by her barbarian spirit of defiance, he could easily suffer a grave injury to his Illuminati Jewels. Knees on elbows or biceps is the proper position in which the priest should kneel.

  3. Well, it probably works better than homeopathy.

  4. I tell ya, that's part of the reason why I had to leave Australia. They have NO respect for religioulessness down there.

    Nobody ever asked me what MY religion was, except for a few Mahometans, and we all know what THEY were after! Lots of historic stone church buildings in Melbourne have been abandoned by their dwindling congregations and converted to demonic usages like theatres and child care centres. When people sneeze, no one even says "God bless you"! Oz is a nation of the damned. This anti-faith case you mention is just one further example.

  5. ... oh and it's better in Canuckistan?!

  6. ... oh and it's better in Canuckistan?!

    Yeah -- I even had to cover for a co-worker who snuck out early one Wednesday night to go to church! Religion -- a way to bludge (Aussie slang for "dodge work") that no one can object to! (Except for the aggravated bastards left holding the bag on the job...)

  7. God bless us, every one!
    Rhode Islanders Love Jesus' General and that includes PreBorn RIers!

  8. Bukko_was_in_Australia:

    It's true, we do still have a Bible Belt, but that's mostly in Alberta ... and come to think of it, we also have the Amish Mennonites in southern Ontario ...

    It may very well be that it's only in our major cities that we're so Godless, but then the rest of the country hates the cities anyway ..

  9. Thank you for the cultural hates-up, JoeViz. When one is new in a place, it's always good to know who to hate. All people enjoy feeling better by knowing that there's somebody worse than them.

    I always thought Canadians were supposed to hate Calgary, because they were a bunch of arrogant, big-hat oil-men, like Dallas. And they've got that stupid mall. I'd hate Saskatchewan, but does anybody even live there?

    Of course, in Vancouver people walk around all snobbish because they're so much more worldly and enviro and cooler than everyone else. It's like being in San Francisco or Seattle.

    It was so much easier when I lived in the U.S. South. We KNEW who was detestable there, if you know what I mean.

  10. You're pretty much on the money, Bukko. We have flavours of hate, though the word hate may be a bit too strong for our polite sensibilities (except when we're watching hockey).

  11. Is it OK to hate on the French up here? We don't get many on this side, although I see a lotta poutine joints in this town. I tried making jokes about the French spelling on everything here, but I got some fishy looks when I was chortling about how the alcohol pads we wipe patients' skin with before we give them an injection. They say "tampon d'alcool." I mean, how funny is THAT?!? A tampon that's cool! But it didn't go down too swell with the young female nurse I work with...

  12. The French are a bit funny: first, they come in two colours. There are those from Quebec, and there are those NOT from Quebec.

    Typically, to those from La Belle Province, you are one of Les Block, a mildly derisive term used to indicate boorishness, putting you (and the rest of Canada, or ROC) beneath them.

    To those NOT from Quebec, they are simply part of a large minority that adds to the variety of the country. While they're both OK by me, I have a bit more patience with the non Quebecois French.

    Admittedly, the separatist thing has a lot of passion to it, but seemingly little reality. For all the talk of Quebec separating from ROC, they'd like to do so using our monetary system (cash), and they'd like to hold onto their Canadian passports. Go figure.

    If I may offer a personal assessment:

    Consider Canada to be a family of 12 rambunctious little boys, and one whiny-assed little girl, a cutey.

    She's always complaining how she's different, and how she has needs, and for that, she may be a pain in the ass, but nonetheless she's family, and we're still better off making some concessions to have her stay.

  13. BTW, how're you dealing with your housing costs in Lotus Land?

  14. BTW, how're you dealing with your housing costs in Lotus Land?

    Well we're certainly not BUYING a house! At these prices, even in those paltry Canuckrainian dollars (as compared to the mighty, mighty U.S. greenbuck) it's ridiculous. Plus, as dirty stinking immigrants, I'm not even sure we'd be allowed to buy property here.

    That's how it was in Oz, at least. Unless one was a citizen or had been granted "permanent resident" rights, they could not buy the home they lived in. They could buy a place as an investment property and rent it out, just not live in it themselves.

    There's also the problem of getting credit when you're a filthy foreigner with no local credit record. Not to brag, but Mrs. Bukko and I keep a five-figure balance in our local credit union, the same place where my paycheques are direct-deposited. But will they give us a simple credit card denominated in loonies? Hell no! We're auslanders with no credit history, even though the loan officer looked up our gold-plated U.S. FICO score. We had to put $500 into a "no-withdrawals-possible" account in order to get a "secured" credit card with a $500 spending limit. Again, this is from a financial institution where we have more than $10,000 on deposit. If you're not a citizen -- not just in Canada, but anywhere -- you're regarded as scum.

    Anyway, after making a bundle by selling at the right time during the U.S. housing bubble, we now prefer to rent. One never knows when one might be deported, or have to flee a military clampdown (caused by Leftists, of course!) or leave a country for other reasons. It would be such a bother trying to stay in touch with a realtor when you're running across borders with only the clothes on your back and the gold dubloons placed under the insoles of your shoes. Oops! Did I give away a smuggling technique there?

  15. This talk has me humming Tom Lehrer's "National Brotherhood Week". To whit:

    Oh, the white folks hate the black folks,
    And the black folks hate the white folks.
    To hate all but the right folks
    Is an old established rule.
    Oh, the poor folks hate the rich folks,
    And the rich folks hate the poor folks.
    All of my folks hate all of your folks,
    It's American as apple pie.

  16. Mutzali, I thought the line that came after "All of my folks hate all of your folks" was "And everybody hates the Jews."

    I shall have to dig out my vinyl copy of "That Was the Week That Was." Or was it on "An Evening Wasted with Tom Lehrer"? I still got 'em both!

  17. Bukko, if I remember correctly, that was the next verse:

    Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics
    And the Catholics hate the Protestants
    And the Hindus hate the Muslims
    And everybody hates the Jews.

  18. Right you are, Mutzali. I listened to it afresh after digging out my arachaic record of "That Was the Year That Was" (I even recalled the title incorrectly in my comment, getting it mixed up with the hoary TV show where Lehrer got some early fame. "Week that Was" was before my time, of course.)

    If I may wax reminiscent, as I'm listening to the "Pollution" song right now, it takes me back to my introduction to Tom. In the early 1970s I had a social studies teacher who introduced topics such as the environment in our junior high school classes. In class, he played that and "Who's Next" (for those of you who don't know Lehrer, the latter is a cheerful ditty from 1965 about how more and more nations were building atomic weapons, ending with the line "We'll try to stay serene and calm, when Alabama gets The Bomb.") It gave me a life-long appreciation of Lehrer's arch wit.

    Unfortunately, I realized years later that my teacher (shout-out to Ken Crady of Eugene Burroughs Junior High in Accokeek, Md.) was almost certainly afflicted with teh ghey. He shared an apartment with a fussy male French teacher, and had an uncommon fondness for Broadway show tunes. He took a group of us boys on an overnight jaunt to New York City to see "1776" (a musical about the Founding Fathers) plus the Empire State Building, the Automat and other attractions that were neat-o then, although they seem stodgy in comparison to today's wonders.

    Every summer he would cart a cadre of his best boy students (no girls!) whose parents could pony up the princely sum of $1,200 on a month-long jaunt across America in a van with a camper trailer. We saw the Mississippi River, Bourbon Street in New Orleans, the Astrodome (that was cool at the time too), Las Vegas, a week-long raft trip down the Colorado River through the heart of the Grand Canyon, hiking through the redwoods in California, a day in Disneyland... Then we flew back to the East Coast on a 747 (also new and exciting then), my first-ever trip on an airplane!

    It was a marvelous trip which taught me about the wonders of America and made me feel worldly about my native land. The confidence I got from that adventure carried me forward through many more years of roving the globe.

    Of course, no parents back then could even CONCEIVE that a teacher might be a sodomite. It was just not even on the mental radar, because "those people" barely even existed before Demonicrats encouraged them to propagate. And Mr. Crady never laid a pinky on me or anyone else that I heard about (althiough there were some boys who were more in his inner circle than I was).

    An epic trip like that, with a male teacher and teenage boys, would never be allowed to happen in these days of homosexoterror, of course. And my life would have been stunted because of it. But I would have been SAFE by Gawd! And isn't that what matters most, safety over education?


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.