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Monday, April 26, 2010

Did Shlomo prank Moses

Pastor Audie Yancey
Tea Party Chaplain
First Baptist Church of Quartz Hill

Dear Pastor Yancey,

Like you, my belief in a literal interpretation of the Bible is as strong as my conviction that the brown are responsible for all our nation's problems. That's why I find Leviticus 19:33-34 so troubling. What is God telling us here:

33 When an alien lives with you in your land, do not mistreat him.
34 The alien living with you must be treated as one of your native-born. Love him as yourself, for you were aliens in Egypt. I am the LORD your God.

I mean, my God, there's nothing in there about holding them incognito, throwing them in "family prisons," or such character-building exercises as deporting parents and leaving the children to fend for themselves. It's almost as if God might be some kind of socialist or, worse yet, a brown.

Or could it be possible that Moses had a liberal brother-in-law who tricked him into writing this. Maybe he, let's call him Shlomo, put an unruly fake beard over his neatly manicured one and just started goofing on Moses by pretending to be Yahweh.

That'd explain the shellfish and fiber-mixing stuff in Leviticus too--I can almost see Shlomo suppressing a giggle as Moses walks by, sweating his ass off in Harley leathers.

And if that's the case. What about Leviticus 18:22, the part about men laying with men. Is that part of the joke too? How do we tell?

How do you explain it?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian,

A helmet tip to brother Lerner.


  1. All you have to do is add the word "illegal" to "alien" and anything goes.

  2. Illegal war? That's okay.
    Illegal violations of an International Treaty? So what.
    Illegal violations of the constitution? That's fine.
    Illegal immigration? Quick, get out the flag!

    My, my, but that is one Ill Eagle!


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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.