Rep Aaron Schock
Reinforced Closet #B-07
US House of Representatives
Dear Rep. Schock,
I'm worried about your eternal salvation. According to a tweet you posted yesterday, you burned the homosexualist belt that had people questioning your commitment to the heterosexual lifestyle. Here's what you had to say:
Never thought a pic of me w/ my shirt on would go viral. Learned my lesson and burned the belt.
True Bible-believing Christians consider burning a homosexualist belt to be a form of heresy. If you had read Leviticus 20:13, you'd know that Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, commands us to stone our baby blue homosexualist belts of iniquity (or cleanse them by using them to punish naughty sailors).
I trust you will ask the Lord for forgiveness.
Heterosexually Yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
Right after he used it for self-asphyxiation.
ReplyDeleteOk, the belt does look fucked up, but only because it looks like he got it out of the '80s bin at the Good Will.
"Never thought a pic of me w/ my shirt on would go viral."
ReplyDeleteBut, he expected a picture of himself without a shirt on would surely go viral?
What the hell is he saying?
What was the lesson learned? Not to be so flagrant? Girl, please. That shirt matched with those pants - what's he going to do next, burn his whole ensemble?
ReplyDeleteAlso, it's not like he was wearing anything Ric Santorum wouldn't wear.
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ReplyDeleteThe first car I ever owned, a 1968 Chevelle SS 396 which I bought used, covered in gray primer in 1976, I had repainted that colour. It looked pretty to me. I called it "sky blue" or "robin's egg blue" when my friends and people I drag-raced against would try to say it was "baby blue." The effect was mollified by the black racing stripes up the two front air intake scoops on the hood and down the back trunk lid. Of course, in the mid-70s, homosexualists didn't exist anywhere outside of San Felchsisco and New Yorkosodom, so nobody even THOUGHT my car's paint job might signify anything sodomitic.
ReplyDeleteJeez how the world has fallen, when colours aren't even safe any more. Don't even get me started on lavender...
Well, but what about that shirt?!?
ReplyDeleteI hope that woman burned her hat.
ReplyDelete++++
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ReplyDeleteHey, I can't see the belt underneath the guy on the left's shirt. But who the hell is the fag village person on the right?
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