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Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Eating Joe.My.God,

Bryan Fischer
American Family Association
Idaho Values Alliance

Dear Pastor Fischer,

I've always admired you for your willingness to confront great animal evils like wolfofascism and orcunism, but I'm a little concerned about what you're saying about bears:

Lewis and Clark did not believe the stories they’d been told by Indian peoples about grizzlies until they started running into them. It was not long before their 'curiosity' was 'quite satisfied' about the grizzly. Because these researchers were intent on studying the grizzly rather than killing him to protect innocent human life, a husband, father and grandfather is dead today. This was an utterly unnecessary death which could have happened only because our culture has jettisoned a biblical view of the relative value of human life compared to animal life."

Sure, God gave us bears to do with as we wish, and it's true that, sometimes, bears have their way with us--like when you're walking in a certain city park and a big-hairy bear cruises up to you and, and using satanic bear-mojo, convinces you to crawl into the bushes and squeal like Ned Beatty as he gives you a right good rogering. I don't like that, and I'm sure you don't like it either.

But bears also do the Lord's work. Do you remember the story of Elisha (2 Kings 2:23-25). He was taking a leisurely stroll on the outskirts of Bethel when a bunch of rowdy kids ran out of the city and began to mock him, calling him "thou bald head." Well, Elisha reacted in the only way a prophet of our Lord could--he asked God to send bears to eat the children. And that's just what God did. He, in all his glorious anger, sent "two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them."

So you see, we need bears. We need them to make examples of disrespectful children. We don't see enough of that today. Lord knows, if bears ate more rowdy kids, we might not have all the disrespect for corporations we see these days.

And admit it, haven't you asked God to send bears to eat that Joe.My.God guy? Perhaps, He could do it if we encouraged the scientistofascists to introduce grizzlies into New York.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot


  1. "...our culture has jettisoned a biblical view of the relative value of human life compared to animal life."

    Man, he could not be more perspicacious! It was only just this morning when I went to get water at the wallow when I had to shove aside a bunch of wildebeast and zebras only to have a pack of hyenas chew my legs off, leaving me to die. My response? Well sir, I jettisoned yesterday's chili right into my dungarees, and now the misses calls me "stumpy." Our culture is to blame, dagnabbit! Jesus bloody Jesus, it's the awful culture what done me in!


  2. If we kill off the bears, and take all the liberalism out of the bible like conservapedia would like to do, we end up with:

    "two shes out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them."

    So look, the story still works. Call a guy baldy and he'll ask god to send a couple of women to kill the children. We're all scared of cannibal women. I know i'm f&^$ing terrified of them.

  3. But wait a minute! Why has Jeezus inflicted upon us with the "momma grizzlies"? I don't think Sarah Palin is going to take this lying down. Not on her back, anyway.

  4. Nice photo of the good bear-baiting Rev BryFis. But what's that red stuff coming out of his neck?

  5. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  6. You are an evil skank.

  7. You are a piece of filth and represent what history has labeled the anti christ. shame on you and your vile rot.

  8. typical Censor you are. That is exactly the reason you will always be part of the radical fringe. You have no credibility. If you were intelligent to notice, you would see that the people you rant on about have blogs that even someone like you can comment on. You are so beneath contempt and respect with that one example.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.