Prophet Cindy Jacobs
Dear Prophet Cindy,
It's a shame so many people laugh at you, but I suppose that's a trial all prophets must undergo. Still, one would think your Highway of Holiness initiative would have swayed a few of the unbelievers. Perhaps all those demons you exorcised from patrons of homosexualist bars along I-35 just jumped into someone else.
Or maybe they possessed the bodies of birds. Your latest prophecy--God smote those birds in Arkansas because He was angry about the repeal of the military's 'Don't ask; Don't Tell' policy--suggests that might be the case. Why else would He choose birds for an old fashioned smiting when He could have destroyed a city with a natural disaster?
There's a precedent in Mark 5:1-20. Remember how Jesus exorcised a sailor and cast the demons into a herd of pigs. The possessed pigs immediately committed suicide by jumping off a cliff into the sea. That scared the shit out of the locals, andthey asked Jesus to leave (Mark 5:17).
I'm thinking that's what happened here. Your Highway of Holiness initiative caused a bunch of homosexualist demons to posses the bodies of birds. God, remembering the reaction He got the last time He allowed demons to possess animals, protected the birds for awhile, preventing them from committing suicide.
But as time passed, the birds began to irritate God by chirping the melodies of showtunes and experimenting with new ways to display their feathers. So ,when DADT repeal passed, He finally had an excuse to smite them, and that's what He did.
Heterosexually yours in a chaste, biblical, and non-avian kind of way,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot