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Thursday, January 27, 2011

No better place to bag a perp than in a House of the Lord

Ashley Rodriguez
Press Secretary
Georgia Gun Owners

Dear Mrs. Rodriquez,

Thank you so much for sending me the video of the pastor who wants us to pack heat in the pews. While it's refreshing to hear a man of God speaking out for our right to bag a perp while worshipping our Lord, I find Pastor Brown's combover to be very unsettling.

You can't trust a man who combs over his bald spot like that. It's just plain dishonest. Worse yet, it's a very insulting kind of dishonesty. It's as if he believes we'll fall for such a sloppy example of scalp camo.

Now, I understand why he doesn't just shave it all off. He'd look too much like a perp if he did, and, eventually, a true Second-Amendment-loving patriot would have to gun him down and mount him--probably in church (the gunning I mean, not the mounting--the shooter would probably do that down in his basement).

That doesn't excuse Pastor Brown from trying other options like that spray-on hair that comes in a can. It's great stuff. I use it myself down on my south forty (if you know what I mean). I find it calms the livestock.

But as I said at the beginning, I'm glad you sent me the video. It prompted me to check out your website, and I'm very pleased with what I found. I'm particularly fond of your list of the six points that define a "REAL right to carry:"
  • No government licenses.
  • No government background checks.
  • No fees paid to the government for in order to carry.
  • No government fingerprinting.
  • No trips to probate court.
  • No waiting periods.
Like I said, I think it's a good list, but I think it lacks the most important point: "No government prosecution when you shoot a perp." Lord knows, you don't want to be arrested for shooting someone and then find yourself unarmed in a jail full of perps. It defeats the whole purpose of shooting perps in the first place.

Heterosexually yours in a chaste, biblical, and shoot-a-perp-in-church kind of way,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot


  1. General, Sir:

    There are probably a large number of god-fearing innocents locked up through some government foul-up or another... shouldn't they have the right to carry concealed weapons? What if some government bureaucrat made a mistake?

    I mean, just because they've been arrested by a bunch of guys in a black helicopter is no reason to deny them their 2nd Amendment right to carry weapons! Besides, there are islamocommyfascists in those places!

  2. What about no government limits on what arms that citizens can own? Perps are heavily armed with assault rifles, so a rocket-propelled grenade launcher is the only way an honest citizen can protect his right to life. The government itself could be a perp that abridges our God-given liberty, and God's not always involved enough to rain thunderbolts down upon the tyrants, so citizens should be allowed to own battle tanks and supersonic strategic bombers to guarantee their freedom. Maybe a few families might have to get together to buy part-ownership shares in the Stealth bomber, like a friend's family did on this sailboat they once took me out on, but I don't think that qualifies as socialism. Nuclear weapons too. If a rich man, say a Wall Street banker, had enough money in his annual stock-manipulating bonus that he could afford a stolen Russian nuke, why should outmoded government regulations stop him?!? As long as he's not a Mooslum, that is.

  3. Now we know how many holes it takes to fill the house of the Lord.

  4. Nicely said Jeff.

    Note: While undercover I spent some time in a Catholic Church and observed that it's a common practice for the worshippers to finger their Worry Nukes. So yeah, let's militarize all churches and pronto!

  5. Maybe I’m not up on Georgia legal procedures, but, um, “trips to probate court”? You mean you have to go see the decedent’s heirs after you gun him down? Or maybe you get to make a claim against his estate for the cost of the bullets.

  6. Damn, Jared Loughner should've joined this church...

  7. I call bullshit.
    How can this man be a pastor and infer that in God's own house, God won't protect his people?
    It is not possible for Satan's minions/lefty to be able to shoot a firearm in a house of the Lord. This guy basically is saying God doesn't exist and has no power. Seriously, does this San Francisco,leather-chaps wearing, latte drinking,atheist, commie anti-American think he is fooling anyone with the pretend Pastor schtick?


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.