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Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Regulation is the new Mexican

Rep Michele Bachmann
Chair, Chupacabra Resistance Caucus
US House of Represenatives

Dear Rep. Bachmann,

You did a hell off a job responding to the State of the Union Address. It must have been very difficult to deliver that speech while keeping an eye on the demonic Nephilim aliens menacing you just off camera. I bet the Iwo Jima references scared the shit out of them. Marines terrify demonic Nephilim aliens. Been that way since an old Big Money Movie broadcast of The Fighting Leathernecks reached their home world.

I'm glad you mentioned the tyranny of government regulation. It's the source of all the major crises of the last few years. There'd be no banking, oil spill, mining, or food safety problems if the government hadn't imposed all those regulations on those industries.

You were absolutely right when you declared that regulations kill jobs. I think we're going to see another example of that very soon at Taco Bell. You see the government requires that something must be composed of at least 70% beef before it can be advertised as beef. Only 35% of Taco Bell's taco meat is actual beef, the rest is composed of such vital nutrients as isolated oat product, maltodextrin, anti-dusting agent, autolyzed yeast extract, and sodium phosphate.

If the lawyers have their way, Taco Bell will have to replace all that tasty autolyzed yeast extract with additional extruded beef product. That can only mean one thing. Fewer of the kinds of jobs America needs most.

Heterosexually yours in a chaste, biblically appropriate, and non-beef-extruding kind of way,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot


  1. General, Sir:

    Sometimes, when I read your "bones moots" I get the greatest ideas.

    That reference to, "non-beef-extruding kind of way," makes me think of a marketing thingy, "Yard-O-Missy", it could be MLP* or Missy's own "extrusions". Her foolowers will eat it up and they won't know the difference.

    *Minnesota Long Pig

  2. Taco Bell is going to countersue. My deep cover agent called 'anti-dusting' has passed info that Taco Bell intends to use it's corporate person hood to sue for limits imposed on it's right to Free Speech (tm). That free speech isn't limited to what the the word-o-fascists or pronuncio-lefties claim are words, meanings, spelling and pronunciation. They claim the right to assign any meaning whatsoever to the word 'Beef' and to pronounce it in any manner they see fit and to suggest that there is a specific meaning and pronunciation is totalitarianism worse than Hitler, Stalin AND Pol Pot.
    If you have read this as a message about TB claiming free speech, you are impinging on mine as I have just written the Lord's Prayer.

  3. BC: "...neither more, nor less."

    "Where's the beef?"

    "Well it sure ain't in these, ya old bag."

  4. Damn lawyers and damn regulators. What if I want to eat anti-dusting agents. They’re stealing my freedoms. And my precious bodily fluids.

  5. .

    But seriously folks, take my wife ... please take my wife. - Mr Bachmann

    Am I the only person to come to the realization that the Republicant Party will be having a real challenge winning the Fox Network 2012 Presidential primaries? Given who the Fox Network 2012 Presidential primaries have running now, it does look like Mr Obama can expect to win a second term of office.

    Ema Nymton

  6. I'm convinced that at least 10% of Taco Hell's beef is made from Bachmann's brain.

    Oh. Wait.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.