Rep Michele Bachmann
Chair, Chupacabra Resistance Caucus
US House of Represenatives
Dear Rep. Bachmann,
You did a hell off a job responding to the State of the Union Address. It must have been very difficult to deliver that speech while keeping an eye on the demonic Nephilim aliens menacing you just off camera. I bet the Iwo Jima references scared the shit out of them. Marines terrify demonic Nephilim aliens. Been that way since an old Big Money Movie broadcast of The Fighting Leathernecks reached their home world.
I'm glad you mentioned the tyranny of government regulation. It's the source of all the major crises of the last few years. There'd be no banking, oil spill, mining, or food safety problems if the government hadn't imposed all those regulations on those industries.
You were absolutely right when you declared that regulations kill jobs. I think we're going to see another example of that very soon at Taco Bell. You see the government requires that something must be composed of at least 70% beef before it can be advertised as beef. Only 35% of Taco Bell's taco meat is actual beef, the rest is composed of such vital nutrients as isolated oat product, maltodextrin, anti-dusting agent, autolyzed yeast extract, and sodium phosphate.
If the lawyers have their way, Taco Bell will have to replace all that tasty autolyzed yeast extract with additional extruded beef product. That can only mean one thing. Fewer of the kinds of jobs America needs most.
Heterosexually yours in a chaste, biblically appropriate, and non-beef-extruding kind of way,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot