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Tuesday, February 01, 2011

Jesus Wields A Mean Wife Paddle

Stephen Green
National Director
Christian Voice

Dear Mr. Green,

It's heartening to learn that Christian communities across the pond are preaching the same kind of hate-the-homosexualist theology we practice here in the states. It's just another piece of evidence that even though Jesus is an American, His Holy Word is universal.

I have to admit, however, that we may be a little behind you Brits when it comes to Christ-based violence. Our Dr. Dobson may proudly flog his dachshund, but you, apparently, take it a step further by viciously beating your wife. At least that's what she says in an interview with the Daily Mail:
Caroline Green was often punished by her husband Stephen for failing to be a dutiful, compliant wife, but his final act of violence against her — the one that prompted her long-overdue decision to divorce him — was all the more chilling because it was coldly premeditated.

Stephen Green wrote a list of his wife’s ­failings then described the weapon he would make to beat her with.

‘He told me he’d make a piece of wood into a sort of witch’s broom and hit me with it, which he did,’ she recalls, her voice tentative and quiet. ‘He hit me until I bled. I was terrified. I can still remember the pain…’
If you'd indulge me, I'd like to learn a little more about this weapon you compelled your wife to build. Was it shaped in the form of the cross upon which our deal Lord and Savior was crucified?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot


  1. Methinks the laddy doth protest too much.

  2. An adult male joined a Church choir. He wrote an anti-gay book. Sure, normal things. Then, *He moved his family to Wales*, for christ's sake! Didn't anyone care enough to intervene? Wales? It isn't even a real country! Welsh speak more gibberish than the Tea Party women, Palin and Not-Palin put together! Dear God, what of the children? Who was thinking of the children?

  3. General there's a grand clip of this holy man prating on about the Lord when from above comes a divine message delivered by one of the Lord's carriers which empties its intestines over the Lord's self appointed voice in Britain. You 'll find it on Youtube if you search for Stephen Green under a message from God. Worth every second as it couldn't happen to a more deserving case.

  4. General, Sir:

    I think that paddle idea is a good one. I'd like to make one too; then I'd like to demonstrate it for Mr. Rev. Green W.B.F.M.W.*. Actually, I'd like to demonstrate it ON him, how else am I gonna KNOW whether it makes one contrite?

    Wife Bashing Fuckwad Milksop Whanker

  5. What -- are there no spatulas in Brittlande?!?

    But every patriotikkkinky husband knows that "English" is a synonym for "spanking." (Link NSFW -- Not Safe For Wives).


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.