Pastor Steven L Anderson
Faithful Word Baptist Church
Dear Pastor Anderson,
Please accept my entry for your Darwinistofascist Art Contest. I hope it complies with the rules you set out in your video. It was hard for me to concentrate on what you were saying because I was distracted by fleeting glimpses of your manly bulge. It's a fine and Godly bulge you have there . Our Lord, Jesus, has surely blessed you.
Uh...anyway, as I was saying, I had a hard time concentrating on what you were saying, but I think I heard you say something about dinosaurs turning onto chicken--hence, my entry, Jesus Turns a Dinosaur Onto Chicken.
I hope you like it. I tried to keep it as historically accurate as possible, although I'm not sure if Chick-fil-A had a franchise in Bethlehem back in Jesus' day. Still, they hate the homosexualists as much as you do, so I'm sure Jesus prefers them to KFC.
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
Bless you General, the image of Jesus turning a dinosaur onto chicken will replace the specter of Sarah Palin in a Bear Suit w/licorice whips that has been haunting me of late. Also, I was so happy when Pastor Hitler mentioned Anderson...sorry, when Pastor Anderson mentioned Hitler in his talk. Hitler doesn't get mentioned nearly enough when scientists discuss the genetic codes of chickens and dinosaurs. Good on Anderson!
ReplyDeleteAre there chickens in his audience?
ReplyDeleteI am so glad this Pasta has stood up and ridiculed evolution in the way it deserves. Man came from dirt, and chickens came from... KFC, I think.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of KFC, I believe that if it were true that chickens and Tyrannosaurus Rex were related, KFC food scientists would be all over it. Can you imagine how many chicken nuggets just one TRex would make???
I refuse to speak of Chick-Filla because it sounds like disgusting, perverted practise done by degenerates without a morale sheep.
PS. Jesus has blue eyes. He looks too swarthy in your artwork.
ReplyDeleteI'm with BC. That photo makes Jebus look like He was a Middle Easterner or an e-Gipper or Hebrewish. Bad lighting job, whoever was setting the flashbulb. I like the photos I have of Him when He was blond.
ReplyDeleteP.S. When you're in Egypt, don't call Jesus a homosexualist. Or anywhere else, for that matter.
I for one do not believe Jesus was a homosexualist.
ReplyDeleteSure, we don't actually have an effing clue what he did for most of his life, but that doesn't mean he was a fan of Dorothy.
Sure, he didn't get married in a time where bloody everyone did, but that didn't mean he preferred butts.
Mary Magdalene was allegedly a hooker, and we don't know that Jesus was a fag hag, so we can assume he put his little soldier in her.
Of course, he wore protection because there is no such thing as the son of the son of God. There is certainly no son of the son of the son of God.
So sure, maybe he needed Viagra a bit earlier than it was invented. Maybe he didn't find the local girls to his liking. Sure, maybe he had a slapper as a friend, along with 12 men. That doesn't mean he liked to hide his sausage in his disciple's cave of shame.
Since I don't have sound here, I tried the beta Closed Caption option and was rather confused by what was said. For example:
ReplyDelete"they were able to find it like being an ass any alex crowell"
"hannah's heart attacks is material"
"based on false and recovered stains"
"he's alive"
"shake hands"
"visitation coming up"
"is still alive denied it and say your telephone bill I didn't want to believe in the land and water"
"parody is making stuffed behavior"
"you have to be on the route for armies equipment"
"I think I was just totally tomorrow"
"everybody else is a ref"
"but there also looks like oklahoma for all"
"Stalin, Arby's are Frankfinn institute fraud you're decided not to see here, Bill"
"it's lonely regularly"
This just doesn't make sense to me, is it clearer with audio?
Herr General:That's quite the mullett that JC is sporting in your illustration.
ReplyDeleteDearest General,
ReplyDeleteI desperately looked for the manly bulge that you indicated was in the video but was disappointed not to find it. Please specify the minute and second that it can be found.
Heterosexually yours, in a Larry Craig sort of way, JKB