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Tuesday, February 22, 2011

My favorite stake president

I wished I lived in a stake (roughly, a Mormon version of a diocese) that was lucky enough a stake president who is as compassionate and understanding as President Paternoster:
A rather sad situation occurred about a year ago that I wanted to discuss. I have changed the names of the individuals involved for the sake of anonymity.

Rachel had been married in the temple to a wonderful return missionary (whom I will call John) just before her 20th birthday. They loved each other very much and we were all deeply saddened when John passed away a few months later...

Two years later Rachel starting dating again and fell in love with another wonderful return missionary whom I will call Dave. After dating for a while Dave asked Rachel to marry him. Rachel’s Bishop was new and asked me to help with the situation...

After the normal pleasantries we turned to the Manual of Instructions (Book 1 for Stake Presidents and Bishops) and read from section 3.6.1 under the heading Sealing of Living Members after a Spouse's Death. Here it clearly states that a living woman may be sealed to only one man. It goes on to state; “A woman whose husband dies can remarry but can not be sealed for time and eternity to another.”

I wanted to make it clear to the couple that John, her first husband would be with her in the next life (and not Dave)...

When Rachel left the room I shared section 3.6.2 of the manual which says that “if a woman who has been sealed to a former husband remarries, the children of her later marriage are born in the covenant of the first marriage”. I wanted Dave to understand that all their future children will in fact be sealed to John (and Rachel) who will have these children for eternity. Dave would basically be raising children for John the first husband and would enjoy no eternal increase of his own...

I explained to him that it is always useful to see what the top leaders of the church do in these situations. I always look to them as an example of what I should do. In many cases an apostle after the death of his wife will remarry. One of the main purposes of the marriage is to increase the apostles’ eternal family and his ability for eternal increase in the next life. This can only be done by marrying a sister who has not previously been sealed/married. I gave him two examples from our current living apostles.

Dallin H Oak’s wife June died in 1998. He then married Kristen Meredith McMain in the year 2000 who had never been previously married. This way Elder Oaks will have two wives and more potential for bearing spirit children in the next life.
I'm sure there are those who will claim President Paternoster hasn't been officially ordained, but whether that is true or not, he has the doctrine right.

Certainly, eternal marriage has never been explained so simply.


  1. Poe's Law applies in this case. :)

  2. Like I said, the SP is fake, the doctrine is real.

  3. Fact: there is no statute of limitations on making stupid shit up. None whatsoever.

  4. Anonymous10:46 PM

    Yep, in the olden days that pretty much guaranteed that a young widow's chances of remarriage within the faith were zero.

    Now days they'd just cancel or annul the first sealing, but that kind of screws over the survivors of the first husband who's now left spouseless in the hereafter through no fault of his own.

    Much better to be a survivior as a male.

  5. It would be so much easier for the Moormoon Afterlife if women would just kill themselves when their husbands died, like those Hindowidows do when they jump onto the funeral pyres. Or allow other people to kill them, like every civilization from the ancient Egyptians to modern Mahometans living in mud huts in Afghanistan does when the old man kicks the slop bucket. Because that's the KKKhristian thing to do.

  6. Why would anyone worship a "god" who thought treating women that way was a good idea?

    Either the Mormon "god" is a sick bastard or the whole thing was made up by J. Smith (apparently another sick bastard).

  7. Religion makes people happy. Religious people are always happy & fulfilled due to the rules of their beliefs. It is a stark comparison to the chronically maudlin, depressed, filthy, empty, vacuous atheists.

  8. Dear fellow commenter,BC:

    "Religious people are always happy & fulfilled due to the rules of their beliefs. It is a stark comparison to the chronically maudlin, depressed, filthy, empty, vacuous atheists."

    If I may be so bold...You don't got accesds to Netflix. My life was empty, once I dumped GOD. A GOD who cared woulda never let the love of my life, Darla, light out for parts unknown with all of cash in the General's safe (and that stash that was hidden in the sockdrawer right next to the marital harmony instructional videos.

    General, Sir:

    About them instructional videos. I see Mr. Garcia, ofJoshua and a third party wearing what looks like a Dick Cheney mask (but not ON his "dickcheney") and not much else in all of them, but you're not in any of them. I noticed that the dates they were taped coincides with those times when you were "conferencing" with the guy from "Spatular Redemption" over to Seattle. Well, I know that the SLC Morons get to be bigamice in the next life, but does that go for here, too, also?

  9. Demmocommie,

    *sigh* Darla. You know, when two souls are one and they are just meant to be together, forever, no matter what. Me & her. Just like that... Forever. Well, until the General's money ran out in Vegas. It was the best 2 days of my life.

    We never used the money in the sock in the sockdrawer. I think you may have been using the same sock to store all your spermatozoan Americans. All the notes were either crusty or sticky.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.