--Gen. JC Christian, patriot
Thank you President Reagan. I've been a great fan of yours since you replaced the air traffic controllers with random professional wrestling fans. I can't believe that you, our nation's greatest president, asked me to contribute to your blog. I'll always cherish the memory of your phone call.
Speaking of phone calls, I suppose your readers all heard about the one I received, yesterday, from some guy claiming to be David Koch. I'm not ashamed that I was fooled. He sounded just like one of the Kochs. Hey, he even told my Chief of Staff he'd deport his maid if she didn't make "next to nothing."
I admit there were warning signs I should have noticed. He didn't begin the call by asking me which the various babes pictured in the latest issue of Outsourcing Illustrated I'd like to humiliate, nor did he ask me to get on all fours and bark like a worker and then lick my parts clean--that was as out of character for him as it was disappointing for me.
But then he did talk about crushing the unions and beating the protesters with baseball bats--all vintage David stuff. I had to believe it was him.
But today is a new day, and I got a call from President Reagan asking me to post here. That in itself would be enough. Having the opportunity to lick my parts for the Gipper over the phone was better than kicking a thousand K-12 teachers in the head.
Well, almost better.