Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

If you like the patriotic work we're doing, please consider donating a few dollars. We could use it. (if asked for my email, use "")

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Scott Walker on Barking for the Kochs

Today, we're honored with a guest post from Gov. Scott Walker of Wisconsin. Please be respectful in your comments.
--Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Thank you President Reagan. I've been a great fan of yours since you replaced the air traffic controllers with random professional wrestling fans. I can't believe that you, our nation's greatest president, asked me to contribute to your blog. I'll always cherish the memory of your phone call.

Speaking of phone calls, I suppose your readers all heard about the one I received, yesterday, from some guy claiming to be David Koch. I'm not ashamed that I was fooled. He sounded just like one of the Kochs. Hey, he even told my Chief of Staff he'd deport his maid if she didn't make "next to nothing."

I admit there were warning signs I should have noticed. He didn't begin the call by asking me which the various babes pictured in the latest issue of Outsourcing Illustrated I'd like to humiliate, nor did he ask me to get on all fours and bark like a worker and then lick my parts clean--that was as out of character for him as it was disappointing for me.

But then he did talk about crushing the unions and beating the protesters with baseball bats--all vintage David stuff. I had to believe it was him.

But today is a new day, and I got a call from President Reagan asking me to post here. That in itself would be enough. Having the opportunity to lick my parts for the Gipper over the phone was better than kicking a thousand K-12 teachers in the head.

Well, almost better.


  1. General, Sir:

    I was deeply disturbed when I heard that Gauleiter Walker* was sucking up to, if not off, the Kochs. It looked like he might be in trouble for doing what anyone else in his position would do. Then I read a bit of good news. It seems that Scooty can't be persecuted, 'cuz the tape was obtained dislegally by a NON-reptilican and everbody knows that only reptilicans can do that sort of shit.

    So, it looks like Herr Walker will only lose his any shred of integrity he might still have possessed after all those years in county gummint. And as we all know, reputations are highly overrated at GOPHQ.

    * Okay, yes, I was deeply disturbed, BEFORE, I heard about this, but anyway...

  2. Anonymous9:36 AM

    Governor, the question all America wants the answer to is this: when you told the guy you thought was Koch that a vacation trip to Cali and a "good time" would be "awesome", were you referring to sunny American California or cocaine-laiden Cali, Colombia? Either one would be "awesome" I suppose.

  3. Gov. Wanker, if you're in the habit of taking phone calls from people whose identity you're not sure of, I've got this Nigerian guy who's been ringing offering to cut me in on a share of the $10 million of stolen union dues that a steward who died in a car wreck has left behind. All you need to do is give him your banking details so he can deposit the money, and to forward him some processing fees. You're good for that, eh? Send me your secret Koch phone number.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.