I started keeping tabs on Jesus awhile back to ensure we have an edge when the End Times begin. I figured that if I could identify the moment Jesus left for Jerusalem (or Jackson County, MO), we could short our stocks and make a great Christ-based killing.
Unfortunately, we'll have to wait a little longer for our windfall. He's hanging around in Orange County.
That's not Jesus it's Rasputin. (Admittedly, it's difficult to tell without seeing his member.)
ReplyDeleteOnly the true Jesus would have his face in a wood paling that sniffs butts. We all know that a pleasant rectal aroma is a sure fire way to get into heaven, even if you're an evil bastard.
ReplyDeleteAll's I can see is a knothole. I could never see what was supposed to be in those magic eye posters that were so big during the 1990s (and I'm still steamed about that.) I guess I'm just going to hell. Or maybe the optometrist's for a better pair of bifocals. Now that I think of it, that might hurt less.
ReplyDeleteJesus was absolute hell to be an agent for--sending him to auditions started off okay, but instead of bringing 8x10s he'd hand off a chair or a Dorito to the casting agent. Embarrassing, really. Awkward and embarrassing.
ReplyDeleteGeneral, Sir:
ReplyDeleteI saw the pitcher and then I saw the light!
Joe the Guywhoworksonplumingwithouthedon'tgotnolicense musta sat in that chair. That is "Buttcrack Jesus" or I ain't the finest mechanic in these pants.
Horsepucky. I know an image of Jimi Hendrix when I see one. Goddamned hippies.
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