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Thursday, June 02, 2011

Mr. Rider Responds

A few days ago, I rebuked a "Warrior for Yahweh" named Midnite Rider for marketing a gun lubricant made from pig fat. I see it as a desecration of one of our nations most holy and sacred symbols. Indeed, lubing a gun with pig fat is an act so heinous it surpasses even flag burning as an example of sacrilegious depravity--it strikes at the very bond between a patriot and his gun.

Not even the staunchest patriot wants to makes love with a rifle that stinks of rancid pork. Even I, the commander of our nation's unregulated militia, would kick my AR-15, Sheila Sue, out of the bed if she smelled like a dead hog. No doubt many of you would do the same.

Sadly, Mr. Rider failed to heed my rebuke. His reply to my email and my response appear below:
From: Midnite Rider
Subject: RE: You're no patriot

Did someone steal your meds or forget to lock the door behind them and let you out.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA,You're pretty funny.I use SBGO in and on ALL my weapons,HAVE FOR YEARS and have YET to awake to the smell of rancid pork.
One MUST be "Devious" when battling a devious foe,to WIN one must be even MORE DEVIOUS,MORE CLEVER,and MORE FEARLESS,and last but not least,MORE INTELLIGENT.
I eat Ham and Eggs for breakfast,AND sleep with firearms,had "Country style' pork ribs just last night for dinner.
I AM sent me to deal with the Islamonazis,he didn't feel that they rated more than ONE of his archangels,weak assed baby murdering camel jockey goatscrewing scum they are.
Read THE FIREARMS FORUM TEST OF SILVER BULLET GUN OIL found in a google search of SILVER BULLET GUN OIL and you will SEE that Many PATRIOTS are sleeping with firearms with SBGO in and on them with NO ill aftereffects,of course as redblooded American PATRIOTS they ALSO eat Ham and Eggs for breakfast.
As an Archangel of Yahwehs I am ABOVE any General on THIS plane of xistence,be careful or I will bust you down to CIVILIAN,WHERE will that leave you?
BTW How MANY Bottles did you want to order?
THE Midnite Rider
The Midnight Rider, USMC/SS
Warrior of Yahweh
CEO, Silver Bullet Gun Oil (SBGO)

Dear Mr. Rider,

"Goat fucker?" How dare you use one of the Heartland's most cherished values, a value no doubt celebrated by such great men as President Davis and Generals Lee, Jackson, and Forrest, as slur? Obviously, you care nothing for heritage, tradition, or basic values, but that shouldn't be a surprise given your enthusiasm for desecrating firearms.

Your hatred for our goat consorts and utter devotion to all things porcine prompts one to wonder if you might have a larger problem, perhaps even a sick, perverted attraction to hogs. Is that what chambers your cartridge, you twisted bastard?

You boldly claim you eat ham and eggs, daily, and "country-style" pork ribs, occasionally. Well, what country's style? France's? Massachusetts's? And the ham? Surely, it's the soy-based variety so preferred by the emasculated coastal elites.

As for your claim to be a Yahweh's archangel, I have my doubts about that. Our Lord, Jesus, made me his champion. I don't think he'd be handing out such titles without first consulting Dad.

There's only one way to resolve this. As a true warrior of the Glorious Christian Conservative Cultural Revolution (GC3R,) I hereby challenge you to wrestle me in the manner of our ancient Spartan forefathers--that is to say, naked and oiled. Yes, let us grind our flesh against each other in glorious combat until the stronger pounds the weaker into submission and victoriously drives his Rigid Staff of Domination deep into the vanquished's cave of shame.

We'll see who has been truly chosen to serve as God's champion.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

p.s. Please lay off of the pigs for a couple of weeks before we wrestle. I will not have my Rigid Staff of Domination desecrated with the leavings of hogs.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.