Oh Zsuzsana

Pastor Steven L. Anderson
Faithful Word Baptist Church

Dear Pastor Anderson,

I have a confession to make. I've spent a lot of time investigating your Church over the last few days and I'm a little jealous of you.

You have it all: the guts to take a stand against the hidden scourge of sitzpinkling; an assistant who isn't afraid to rebuke Santa's sodomite reindeer or teach a young man how to escape a full mount or a rear naked choke; and a wife, Zsuzsana, who is training up your children in the ways of Our Lord.

I found an example of the latter at Zsuzsana's blog. It's in a story about a recent shopping trip she made with your four and five-year-old sons. Heck, I'll let her tell it:

My kids had the following conversation at the store yesterday, very loudly, and within ear shot of several other customers:

John (4 years old): Barack Obama, and the devil, and the government are worser than anything else in the world.

Isaac (5 years old): Mom, John actually told me that he thinks Barack Obama is worse than the faggots.

Ah, precious moments!

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. - Proverbs 22:6

I'm very impressed by that exchange. Not only do the children identify whom they hate, but they also attempt to rank the people and groups according to the level of hatred each deserve. That's fairly sophisticated thinking for that age group. At this rate, they'll be ready for a pair of steel-toed witnessing boots by the time they hit seven.

But, I'm also very curious about how you taught them to hate The Gay. After all, as Christians, we define homosexuality as a behavior rather than an intrinsic characteristic--so you couldn't really say something like, "they are men who love men," because loving is not, in itself, a behavior. So how did you do it? Did you really sit your 4-year-old and 5-year-old down and explain various homosexual sex acts to them?

Do you offer that kind of instruction at church? Has Brother Stucky made a video?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot