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Thursday, February 19, 2009

Amazon Review: Perfect Proofs Without Extra Sauce

Woooooo hoooooo! My Amazon review of Ray Comfort's You Can Lead an Atheist to Evidence, But You Can't Make Him Think: Answers to Questions from Angry Skeptics. is up. As a great man once almost said, "I'm somebody now! Millions of people look at this book selling thing everyday! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity - your name on the internets tubes - that makes people. I'm digital! Things are going to start happening to me now."

Please vote for my comment so it becomes featured.

5.0 out of 5 stars Perfect Proofs Without Extra Sauce, February 18, 2009

By Gen. JC Christian, patriot(Tremonton, UT United States) - See all my reviews

Dr. Comfort's book is amazing. It may be the best primer for defeating an atheist I've ever read. I'm particularly fond of how he proves the existence of God by pointing out the perfection of the banana and the fact that the atmosphere is 78.09% nitrogen and 20.95% oxygen--"the exact mixture that his [Adam's] lungs and blood needed to survive."

Take that atheists!

My only disappointment with the proofs provided in this book is that my favorite, Eve, isn't listed among them. Evolution could have made her look like anything at all--like Rush Limbaugh, a big hairy wookie, or a naked mole rat for example. There's no way Adam would have tapped that. Instead, God chose to fashion one of Adam's ribs into something soft, curvy, beautiful, and desirable (Yes, he did make that little sailor in the boat impossible to find, but that's only because you're not supposed to touch it).

God did that. He made women attractive to men, so we'd want to procreate with them rather than watermelons or sheep or something else. And even more importantly, he knew when to stop. No barbeque on these ribs, because God doesn't want us to be always tasting them.

33 comments:

  1. God bless you, Navin Johnson. Wherever you are.

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  2. It was the least I could do. All that talk about BBQ sauce has made me hungry, bon apetite Sir.

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  3. Wow. I am impressed. The truth. Finally. It proofs that God must exist. Evolution, after millions and millions of years, wouldn't allow such a great amount of ignorance and stupidity amongst humans.

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  4. What is that man's fascination with bananas REALLY about, I wonder?

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  5. HAHAHAHAHAH! I love the "God made bananas to fit in our hands" dude!!!! He's the fucking best!! w00t!!!!!

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  6. The banana is the WORST example to use as proof of the evidence of G*d! Because monkeys like 'em too! And you know where that line of thinking leads... What is this guy, some kind of crypto-Darwinofascist?

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  7. mon General

    Msr Comfort looks a lot like a chimp that recently retired (no, not that one). Could this be the beginning of a new career?

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  8. General, Sir:

    I don't know if Ray Comfort is aware of the fact that GOD's perfection vis-a-vis the banana is in fact not perfect:

    http://www.snopes.com/food/warnings/bananas.asp

    I have had some problems of my own with "banana wilt" but that's a different story.

    BTW, Sir, Ray says that the fact that his banana fits in his hand is evidence that GOD made it? Well my little soldier fits in my hand (I wear very small gloves, Sir) and I'm pretty sure that satan made that thing.

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  9. General, Sir:

    This new commenting thing? It's teh SUCK! Half the time it won't let me comment or once it does it won't let me back on the front page of the blog. WTF, Sir?

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  10. General Sir!

    I am glad to report that 60 of 64 people felt your review was valuable. I added one more to that account.

    It was the least I could do as you are practically the Mother Theresa of the blogsphere.

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  11. Democommie sir, have you thought of satan in connection with your posting and other afflictions/problems, I haven't had any problems. Just wondering.... maybe it's the potty mouth he objects to, might be worth a shot, try cleaning that mouth out with a sacred banana and report back to the congregation with the results. Respectfully offering my prayers for what afflicts you, have a blessed day!

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  12. Brother Knowdoubt:

    It is always "democommie" (small "d") and, NEVER, EVER, "Sir".

    I have thought about that and I have really worked on that fucking potty mouth thing, no shit, I really have.

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  13. Who knew bbq could be so erotic? Wait? Was I supposed to be convinced of g-o-d's existence or turned on?

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  14. The unpeeled banana also fits perfectly into an orifice for which God never intended it. I've seen it happen. On DVD, of course, during a fact-finding weekend at an anti-porn Christian retreat. Most of us, being aware of Brother Dr. Comfort's banana parables, at first could not believe that what we were witnessing was not some kind of CGI special effect, even though our wives assured us it was well within the realm of possibility. Therefore we were forced to review the scene again and again, and many times magnification, until the last member was convinced that, contrary to Brother Dr. Comfort's assertion, the banana is in fact the devil's fruit.

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  15. I can’t help it. When I see Dr. Comfort waving that banana all suggestive-like, alls I can think of is Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp.

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  16. deacon democommie, I stand corrected and blame it all on my respectful and subservient nature. I'm so pleased to see that my prayers and I hope the congregation as a hole have had such a positive effect on the aforementioned prayer item. Have a blessed day in your battle with the dark forces hiding in the deep recesses of the potty mouth. respectfullty submitted in lower case,

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  17. "It may be the best primer for defeating an atheist I've ever read."

    Yes, lies are the best policy for "defeating" an atheist.

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  18. @Bukko: "The banana is the WORST example to use as proof of the evidence of G*d! Because monkeys like 'em too!"

    Or perhaps because a wild banana looks nothing like the one our brother Dr. Comfort is talking about and has lots of annoyingly large seeds in it. It's only through the devil's handiwork (or more likely man-made selection) that we get the banana that he holds.

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  19. This is full of awesome and WIN!

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  20. I dunno. I just don't think this internets bookselling thing is ever going to catch on.

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  21. Heir Fuhrer...I mean General
    Your eloquent review combined with that delicious photo of the Comfort-er has made my banana fit snuggly in the palm of my hand...for Jesus.
    This is truly a veiny purple gift from Heaven.

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  22. Could Dr. Comfort confirm if this is the best way to utilize our god-given bananas? You'll need to forward to 2:19 into the video.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XoMtMeiSyCE

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  23. The natural form of banana's have seeds the size of buckshot and nearly as hard. I was man's understanding of science, specifically genetics, that lean to discover of how to breed triploid plants, that lead to seedless bananas.

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  24. I saw the Darwin fish, I saw the Jesus fish
    I saw the Fish 'n Chips and sighed
    But the miracle of loaves and fishes
    Will never beat banana cream pie

    Oooh ya!

    ++++

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  25. General Sir,

    I had a turd roughly the shape and size of a banana (I am a big man with a mostly grain, veg, fruit and nut diet), with roughly the same "grip ridges". Does G*d intend me to grasp it? For what purpose? Flinging?

    Please advise.

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  26. General, Sir:

    Excuse my impertinence, please, but doesn't Ray look like a guy who WANTS the extra sauce?

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  27. Dude! Your review is the featured positive review, and my review is the featured negative review. We should totally have a wrestling contest in a swimming pool full of bananas. Once you see my profile pic, I'm sure you'll agree to it. I cannot lose.

    See my blog for a thorough review of Comfort's thingy.

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  28. Dear Sir –

    your arguments are brillant, the one I like best is this:

    >I'm particularly fond of how he proves the existence of God by pointing out the perfection of the banana and the fact that the atmosphere is 78.09% nitrogen and 20.95% oxygen--"the exact mixture that his [Adam's] lungs and blood needed to survive."<

    It reminds me a bit of Voltaire's Professor Pangloss in "Candide" who deduces the existence of a creator by reference to the shape of his nose which provides a most perfect fit for the glasses he wears.

    Voltaire’s "Candide" is 25o years old though, so chances might be quite good that it could be forgotten in those illiterate atheistic circles.

    F.

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  29. Then there’s this. Can’t believe I forgot to post this link on Darwin Day.

    (Full Disclosure: “Tom Younger” is my brother.)

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  30. "God made bananas to fit in our hands"

    Yo Gen,
    If this is true, then what the fuck is up with the pineapple?

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  31. Lance Link, Secret Chimp??!!!??? Wow - I loved that show and have not thought of it in probably 35 years! Thank you, DvE! How prescient it was!

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  32. As creationist crazies go, this one has more appeal than the rest of the bunch.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.