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Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Confederate-Americans Defend Property, Shoot Peeing Kids

Chris Bird
Author, Thank God I had a Gun

Dear Mr. Bird,

Here's a great story for you to use in your next book. It has everything: gun owners defending their property; the importance of the "castle doctrine" and other "make my day laws" for which the NRA fights so hard; and the need to expand such laws, like Florida has done, so people can enforce their own justice without fear of legal repercussions.

The protagonists are Shiela and Gayle Muhs, a good, god-fearing, NRA-American couple whose love for the Second Amendment is matched only by their longing for the return of the Confederacy.  

They live a simple life in a simple house on the edge of a simple lake in Texas. They love their property. It is sacred land to them. To them it symbolizes one of the last remnants of their beloved Confederacy, or so the Stars and Bars they fly above it would suggest.

The Muhses do not tolerate even the slightest intrusion, and warn potential intruders with a sign upon which is written: "Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be re-shot. Smile, I will."

Finally, after years of waiting to exercise their Second Amendment rights to the fullest extent possible, the Muhses got their chance. A family stopped to take a pee on the edge of their property. Sheila shot first, and then passed the shotgun to her husband, who fired again. Later, Sheila would tell the 911 operator, “They’re out here tearing up the levee, so I shot them.”

It's unclear which of shots killed seven-year-old Donny Coffey and which one wounded his five-year-old sister, Destiny, father Don Sr, and family friend Patrick. It's not even clear whether the family was shot on the Muhses' property. The only certainty is that at least one of the Muhses killed a child and shot three other people for driving on a levee.

The question of location is important here. If the family was on the Muhses property, Texas law gives the couple a legal right to shoot them. If not, Sheila and Gayle can be tried for murder.

In Florida, the Muhses would be in better shape. That state's "Make My Day Law," which was passed a few years ago, allows people to shoot anyone anywhere, regardless of who owns the property, if they "feel threatened."

That's why I'm hoping you will tell the Muhses story in your next book or article. They are the perfect poster couple for the NRA's "Make My Day Law" campaigns--just a pair of legal gun owners who killed a kid in the wrong location.

Heterosexually yours, 

Gen. JC Christian, patriot


  1. Scum, these people are scum. Whatever happens I hope they have nightmares every night for the rest of their naturals about the little boy they murdered. However I doubt they have the moral sense to realise how wrong they were.

  2. "Is that the castle?" the little boy asked. "Will we play in its towers, and hear stories of dangerous dragons and brave knights, of wizards and spells?" He paused, then said, "Or will some middle-aged couple shoot me dead because we stopped to pee?"Because guns are sacred, and little boys are frail, tonight the book of fables shall remain closed and a child's bed will sit empty, a mother's heart laid low, a father's thoughts made to descend into the deepest chasms in hell. Ah, but these things happen, don't they? Pray harder next time, little ones. Pray harder.


  3. Shooting children makes me feel closer to God.

  4. The Muhs indignantly, self righteously believe that this little boy forfeited his right to life by stepping off-road to pee.

    Of course, he has no Right To Life *after* he is born, so there is nothing wrong with these good Christians shooting him down in the dark of night as his family cries and screams driving like hell to get out of range of the multiple gun blasts.

    I'll even bet the Muhs were self congratulatory on their Big Score. Maybe they'll even put a photo of Donny on the wall next to the deer antlers and stuffed goat head.

    If there really is a god, these people will die horrible deaths. I only hope their collective last sight is someone gloating over their demise.

  5. The initial Associated Press report I saw said the family were not on the Muhses' property, but on a strip that belonged to the subdivision the Muhses live in. The Muhses didn't own the land, they just thought it was part of their property so they shot four people, killing a child and critically wounding a man. Better safe than sorry I guess, I mean, that seven year old was obviously asking for it.

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  7. fuck you, wklo. Fuck you twice.

    Same with the Muhses.

  8. That is absolutely horrifying.

  9. Quite interesting and informative. Thanks for sharing.
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  10. General, Sir:

    I don't know what kinda scatter gun those folks were using, but they musta been pretty damn close to the perps, er, victims. GOD bless the NRA!!

    Sir; is there a way to f-bomb folks like mycontractor and wklo without getting "tar babied" in the process?

  11. We ought to detain dangerous morons like this in internment camps and let them shoot each other. Why not put social Darwinism to work?

  12. Anonymous9:17 AM

    On the upside, I’m sure they believe that every woman’s uterus is the property of Uncle Sam. So they got that goin’ for ’em. Which is nice.

    As for Anne’s suggestion, maybe Pres. Obama should re-think closing Guantánamo Bay. And maybe MJS could come up with some new lyrics to “Holiday in Cambodia” just for people like the Muhs:

    It’s a holiday in Guantánamo
    It’s tough kid, but it’s nice …

  13. With names like Coffey and Destiny, these people were of an inappropriate skin tone. Clearly, the Muhrs must have felt threatened seeing them in a place where they didn't belong. Not to mention all the emotional and psychological scarring that occurs to any man named Gayle. As you say, Sheila shot first because her worthless husband with his woman's name didn't have the balls to do it, so she had to show him how to be a man.

    On the other hand, if I were Don Sr, I'd be paying the Muhrs a visit after I got out of the hospital. I'd give them a lesson in feeling threatened they'd never forget.

  14. Uh, General, that's the "Confederate Battle Flag," not the "Stars And Bars." Every TRUE Johnny Reb knows that all those flags were ordered to be furled and put away by Gen'l Robt. E. Lee himself. No true child or the South could disobey General Lee. These people are obvious poseurs!

  15. Move over, Brad & Angelina, the new "Beautiful People" have arrived.

  16. Anonymous11:15 AM

    General, Sir,

    I hereby refuse to comply with the standing orders to post snarky conservative-mocking comments and to repress my prissy empathetic inner Frenchman, because I am too disgusted by a gun-worshipping culture that tolerates the deaths of seven-year-olds as the price for letting ingrates feel strong and tough and manly by playing with their hot-leaded phallus symbols. Awaiting your sanctions, Sir.

  17. After seeing their mugshots, the Muhs would blend in the GOP caucus or NRA convention so well as to be invisible. I suspect being a Muh is indeed hell on earth.

  18. True 'Mericans defend their property with guns, Dammit!! Get offa my lawn, you goddam kids!

  19. What a shame G.W. Bush is not again governor of the great state of Texas. He would be put in the unenviable position of having to execute two of what are obviously among his core supporter in the general population. I am sure he would make the right moral choice, though, as he always has.

  20. Dear General,

    I will give you $100 to correspond (and post said correspondence) to Jeb Thurmond:

    (Mostly) heterosexually yours,

    - OtterQueen

  21. Anonymous5:19 PM

    So, why did the Hollywood elites shun that wonderful movie, Gran Torino?
    Maybe it's time for a sequel...

  22. Dave von Ebers: I went a different route with the Guantanamo Bay song. I owe it all to Jeff Sessions.++++

  23. General, Sir:

    Our prayers have been answered. Carrie Prejean is being allowed to keep her Miss California title, even though she lied about "modeling in her underwear", according to the owner of the Miss California USA Paegant--none other than Donald Fucking Trump! I hear wedding bells. Ivanna will be pissed.

  24. I have seen photographs of these two drunken, inbred, stupid, self-rightous, fucked up redneck losers and I have to say, the wife is not nearly as pretty as Governor Sarah Palin posing in a blue and gold (the state colors of Alaska)with twin northern stars bikini while holding her NRA awarded modified M-4 in the totally awesome 50 caliber beowulf round.

    Just remember, guns don't kill people, only people kill people with guns or something like that.

  25. Sorry, should have noted this in the last post, but the morans spelled survivors wrong on their sign, which the General with inate intelligence, spelled correctly in the commentary.

  26. Anonymous10:31 PM

    MJS: I defer, as always, you your judgment. Plus, I loves me some Calypso, doncha know. (Not that John Denver song, of course).

    Anywho, I got the lyric wrong anyways: Of course, it’s s’posed to be, “It’s tough kid but it’s life …”

  27. the Landover Baptist forum mentioned above has the mug shots and believe me, if they ever do a remake of "Deliverance" these folks will be turned away at the casting call for looking too over-the-top inbred hick. Looking at the mug shots, you can almost smell the meth lab and fried dough and hear the banjo music and radio preachers sermonizing. Mr. Muhs doesn't look like the kind of guy who'd have his insane product-of-siblings-marrying wetbrain cousin/brother chained up in the cellar -- he looks like the one who just busted out of the cellar, dragging his chains and hiding from the sunlight.

  28. Yo Gen,

    From a comment at the Baptist site:
    "I mean for the love of Christ they gave Coffey Jr one second warning before they began randomly shooting the SUV he was in up."
    So there ya have it! He WAS given a warning (one second) and they only RANDOMLY shot the fuck out of the SUV.
    What more can one say?

  29. Yo Rev,

    From the caption of the mug shots:
    "These are the faces of typical Republican patriots just like the ones you see at Sarah Palin rallies and tea parties"

    Couldn't agree more.

  30. Great report mon General except for not posting a picture of these inbred neo-Nazi tweakers. If you've ever seen the art of Joe Coleman you'll recognize both of them immediately (incl. that mutant thing growing out of his cheek).


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.