I saw cotton and I saw black; tall white mansions and little shacks.

Robert Stacy McCain
Oppressed Confederate-American

Dear Mr. McCain,

You're right. When libislamunistofascists hear about a son of the Confederacy like Pat Lanzo, they immediately attack him by flinging charges of racism. They look at the signs he places at his roadhouse and condemn him without even trying to understand the heavy burden he carries as a Confederate-American. They fail to understand that phrases like "Obama's plan for health-care: Nigger rig it," "A Monkey, Obama. Is there a difference?," "Damn Yankees May Have Taken Our Niggers But Not Our Guns," and "Obama A Vision of a dream - James Earl Ray" are simply examples of policy disagreements made by what you describe as a beat-down Southerner who finally "surrender[ed] to the stereotype."

You know how Lanzo feels--no doubt you too have been tempted to surrender to the stereotype. Your ties to such white pride sites as VDARE and organizations like American Renaissance are often cited as evidence that you are a racist. The same holds true for how libislmunistofascists interpret your opposition to mixed-race marriages, defense of slavery, and fondness for the Confederate cause.

It's amazing you haven't given into temptation and begun flinging the word "nigger" around (at least not in public, anyway). Maybe you should. It might feel liberating to someone like you.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

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Let's put a little white chocolate Lester Maddox in next year's Easter basket

Dr. John G Duesler, Jr.
President, The Valley Swim Club
Director of Marketing, Professional Disc Golf Association.
Owner, The Chocolate Squad

Dear Dr. Duesler,

I commend you sir for taking a stand for traditional confederate values and throwing those 60 black kids out of your pool. I know it ain't easy for you. It seems like everywhere I look someone's calling you a racist and a bigot. And you know it's only going to get worse as more and more people hear about it. If I were you, I'd ask the Lord to cause Debbie Rowe to punch Katherine Jackson very hard in the face very soon. It's really your only hope right now.

Hopefully you will find some comfort in the knowledge that you were right when you said allowing black kids to swim would "change the complexion" of the club. It's true. I've seen the photos at your website. Your club rivals the the LDS Institute building on the BYU-Idaho campus in Rexburg, Idaho as the whitest spot in all of North America. Heck, your members make the Pillsbury Doughboy look like Rico Suave in comparison. I mean good golly, man, Pat Boone would probably kick his own melanin-challenged ass out of the Valley Swim club pool so as to not darken its hue.

But after looking at your other website--the one touting the health benefits of a chocolate diet--I have to wonder just how committed you are to the Confederate-American lifestyle. Damn, that is one brown website. Why no white chocolate? Are you some kind of milk chocolate miscegenist?

You know your story has to have gotten Lou Dobbs's attention. How do you think he'll react to seeing this second site? It'll break his heart. Same goes for Tucker Carlson. He's going to think you can't govern your own business if you don't put a little more white on that page. Please get some white chocolate up before they have a chance to see it.

Better yet, how about featuring a line white chocolate segregationists on that site. Wouldn't it be great to give the kids a white chocolate Lester Maddox, Bull Connor, or Jeff Sessions for Easter rather than some suspiciously-hued milk chocolate bunny?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

More Confederate Values From the Volunteer State

Rep. Stacy "Stacy X" Campfield sent an email alerting me to another example of a conservative Tennessee legislator standing tall for Confederate values. Here's what Rep. Mike Turner had to say.

We do have a problem with public schools. They were not performing adequately. The problem that we created was because of the political correctness we did in the sixties. We started busing and closing neighborhood schools. Now our Schools were inadequate and we needed to do something to address that inefficiency and inequality in schools. I just think we chose the wrong thing. And now we’re trying to dig out of that.

Now this guy is a demislamunistofascist, but, like Ben Nelson, he's the good kind of demislamunistofascist.

If an email is racist and only racists receive it, is it still racist?

Rep. Stacey Campfield
Tennessee House of Representatives

Dear Rep. Campfield,

It looks like all hell is breaking out at the statehouse. The equilitofascists are all in an uproar over this graphic a senate staffer named Sherri Goforth sent out in an email:


Lord knows she's apologized for sending the graphic to the wrong people, but decentpeoplocialists continue to demand that she be fired.

And she's not the only good #GOP staffer who's catching heat for sending stuff down the internets tubes today. South Carolina GOP operative Mike Green is under attack for this thing they call a tweet:

JUST HEARD OBAMA IS GOING TO IMPOSE A 40% TAX ON ASPIRIN BECAUSE IT'S WHITE AND IT WORKS.

And yet another SC Republican activist, Rusty DePass, is reaping the whirlwind for posting this Facebook comment in response to news that a gorilla had escaped from a zoo:

I'm sure it's just one of Michelle's [Obama] ancestors - probably harmless.

As the chair, vice chair, and member of the Tennessee House Republican Whites-Only Black Caucus, you're in a unique position to defend these folks. All you need to do is send out a press release castigating those who just can't laugh at a good Negro joke. They'll listen to you; you're Stacy X, the blackest white Confederate man since Don Black donned his Imperial Wizard hood.

Now, if that doesn't do the trick, you might consider taking the same approach Michelle "Our Lady of the Concentration Camps" Malkin and others employed to expose the Holocaust Museum shooter for the gun rights advocating, anti-government, minority-hating Obama-despising, anti-Bilderberger, birther liberal he is. You can do the same for Goforth, Green, and DePass. Sure, they all worked for the GOP, but that just shows you how devious these liberals are.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

There's no such thing as a good Canadian

Billy Bob Neck on Furriners:

"Disarm the Negroes"

Darrell Galloway
Chairman
Paulding County Republican Party
Dallas, Georgia

Dear Chairman Galloway,

I was looking through the "Obama Stack of Stuff" you have on the party's home page when I noticed something I was afraid we'd forsaken in Dixie, the gentle language of our beloved Confederacy. I can't recall the last time I'd seen the word, "negro," used in an official party publication. I'm glad to see it's still in the Paulding County Republican vocabulary.

I know it may seem like a little thing, but in these politically correct times, it's become nearly impossible to use Confederate racial identifiers, even those like "negro," which were traditionally used by the more polite segregationists to gently remind their darker-hued neighbors across the tracks about their place in society.

You should also be commended for the clever way you placed the word on the page itself. Scanning down the screen, one can't miss the bolded header "Disarm the Negroes". It's like a road block for the eye. One's attention is immediately drawn to it, and then, shortly after that, to the Barack Obama links reinforcing our perceptions of his "otherness" with headlines like, "A spry Farrakhan sings Obama's praises," "Obama and the Farrakhan Trap," "Obama Served On Board That Funded Pro-Palestinian Group," and "Obama's Candidacy 'Speaks to Muslims Abroad.'" It's a masterful example of the racist dog whistle in action. First you trot out a term traditionally used to diminish those of his race, then you play on the racially-based fears many whites continue to hold by portraying him as a radical black man.

Our Confederate forefathers would be proud.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot