Lt. Jeffrey B. Stankiewicz, XO
North Idaho 21st Light Foot Militia
Dear Lt. Stankiewicz,
I am delighted that you chose a Spartan helmet and crossed short swords as your unit patch. It's fitting that those who now stand in the breech between liberty and godless comunistofascism do so bearing a symbol honoring the brave 300 who died at Thermopylae.
But are you prepared to undertake the ancient Spartan warrior ceremonies to which you allude in the words sewn into your unit rounder, "ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ" (rough English translation: "Bring The Lube")? I'm one of the few modern men who know or understand these venerable ceremonies. I'd be honored to share these secret rites with you and your men. Indeed, I'd be honored to do it, for there is no greater honor a warrior can give another than to wrestle him in the ancient manner of our Spartan philosophical forefathers.
As modern Spartans, you and your men deserve that honor. You deserve to feel the joyous satisfaction that comes from grappling each other oiled and naked as you struggle for domination until the better achieves victory my driving his hard, throbbing, Shaft of Masculine Triumph deep inside his opponent's Cave of Eternal Shame.
I'm free to come at anytime provided I'm given enough notice. Just send me a notice. I can provide all that's needed for the ceremonies including the chicken feathers, goats, watermelon drillers, and military grade M-28-A lubricant. Just give me a date and location.
Gen. JC Christian, patriot