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Monday, May 24, 2010

Jose Crow was a Nephite

Sen. Russell Pearce
Arizona State Senate

Dear Brother Pearce,

As a fellow Mormon, I was thrilled to learn that you based Arizona's brown people internment law on the Church's Twelfth Article of Faith: "We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law."

That's exciting. While Utahn's are well acqauainted with the Church's penchant for issuing secular laws, I did not expect to see it happen outside of Zion until Our Lord Jesus Christ establishes New Jerusalem in Jackson County, Missouri.

Are you planning to write other bills based on Mormon doctrine? If so, might I suggest you use 1 Nephi 4 from the Book of Mormon. You know the story. It's about how God sent Nephi back into Jerusalem to kill Laban and steal his brass plates. Remember how Nephi tried to weasel out of it by saying he might be up for an armed robbery, but murder made him queasy, and how God convinced him to do it by explaining, "It is better that one man should perish than that a nation should dwindle and perish in unbelief."

That bit of scripture would serve as a fine basis for a law mandating capital punishment for the Korihor-worshipping anti-Mormons who are trying to undermine the Church by making us feel silly for wearing sacred underwear. Isn't it better they die than for us to dwindle in unbelief and embarrassment?

I certainly think so.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Helmet tip: tigerljily


  1. You know, knocking on strangers' doors was bound to bite the LDS on its ass one day. As any Girl Scout can tell you, brown people might answer, and the white and delightsome young men who knocked make the mistake of talking to them, and now look at what you have in Arizona: people having to face the truth about their own religion. And that can only lead to trouble.

    "Let he who is without sin have an accurate throwing arm."


  2. Anonymous1:39 PM

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  3. I clicked on the Artichokes of Faith linky because I don't know much about the finer points of Marmotism. I found this disturbing verse:

    "WE believe that agovernments were instituted of God for the benefit of man; and that he holds men accountable for their acts in relation to them, both in making laws and administering them, for the good and safety of society."

    That stuff about governments being there to serve man (steada corporations) sounds downright communistic. And "holding men accountable for their acts" might lead to unfair things like legal action against the deadly departed Vice Chancellor Shotgun and his lil' buddy. Legal action like that rabid partisan Obama is always trying to stick into his predecessors. Oh, wait...

  4. "We believe in being subject to kings...".

    Right there. RIGHT there, is proof positive that Mormons hate America, freedom and most important; Democracy.

    They're Monarchists! They are King George lovers.

  5. Well goddam! I likes me to be wearing undeware on my head and walking around the garden. I like the misses ones the best. I have them blessed so I know there holly. Prays Jesus!


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.