Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

If you like the patriotic work we're doing, please consider donating a few dollars. We could use it. (if asked for my email, use "")

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Pastor Anderson Dates the Earth

Pastor Steven Anderson--the godly pastor who pisseth against the wall, fights the Border Patrol, and pleads with the Lord to smite Obama--did a little cipherin' and calculated the Earth's exact age:

This essay conclusively proves that the earth is approximately 6,244 years old (plus or minus no more than 25 years). Most Bible scholars and theologians come up with a lower number right around 6,000 years or lower because they either don’t take the Biblical record for what it actually says, or they have a doctrinal agenda of keeping the number under 6,000 in order to prop up their dispensational teachings...

I think he's nailed it. His methodology is impeccable. Where others make the mistake of simply adding the life spans of Adams's descendants, Pastor Anderson deducts the years in which the life spans overlap. Adam, for example, lived to be 930 years old, but Pastor Anderson only counts the 130 years Adam lived before he sired Seth.

I suspect the sciencislamunistofascist community is shaking in its lab coats. You just can't argue with facts like these:

1. From Creation to the Flood = 1,656 years

Gen 5:3 And Adam lived an hundred and thirty years, and begat a son in his own likeness, after his image; and called his name Seth:
Gen 5:4 And the days of Adam after he had begotten Seth were eight hundred years: and he begat sons and daughters:
Gen 5:5 And all the days that Adam lived were nine hundred and thirty years: and he died.
Gen 5:6 And Seth lived an hundred and five years, and begat Enos:

From the above verses we can clearly see that Seth was born 130 years after the creation of Adam (6 days after God created the Earth), and that Enos was born 105 years after that. Therefore, Enos was born 235 years after creation. Because God gives us the same information for everyone between Adam and Noah, we can add up the numbers and determine the amount of time between creation and the flood.

Adam (130)
Seth (105)
Enos (90)
Cainan (70)
Mahalaleel (65)
Jared (162)
Enoch (65)
Methuselah (187)
Lamech (182)

Total = 1,056 years

Therefore Noah was born 1,056 years after creation.

Gen 7:6 And Noah was six hundred years old when the flood of waters was upon the earth.

Therefore the flood took place 1,656 years after creation.


  1. And what, pray tell, is this information good for? It tells us that the good pastor's solar powered calculator still has 'it'? It tells us that the early Hebrews needed over a thousand years to come up with an explanation for all of the seashell and fish fossils they found in the hills? Jesus, I could have come up with that explanation an hour after the discovery of distilled liquids.

    This must be proof that we Christianists are far superior to those Hebrew Types.

  2. Pastor Anderson worships the false idol of Mathematics. He must forswear this practice before he descends into the pit of Islamo Algebra, and deemed unfit in the eyes of his murderous beloved Midianite Volcano Deity, Yahweh, Lord of Magma.

    Really: stay off the math, Mr. Anderson. Get thee to a soccer field.


  3. General, Sir:

    I think we just found us an accountant!

  4. That's just too much information -- the thought of wrinkly 130-year-old Hebrewslims patriarchetypes -- probably with long beards that got dragged all through the sticky bits -- "doing it" so their equally wrinkly wives could get preggo.

    Why do pastors like "Battlin' " Anderson, a man so randy that he "did it" so hard with his wife that she had EIGHT children!, write such preeeverted stuff? Or is it just me for interpreting it that way?

    Nah -- it's him. Sicko!

  5. Quick, someone call Kent Hovind!

  6. So Adam lived to 930? He begat a son at 130? (with or without Godly Viagra?) Noah lived a while too didn't he? At least 600 years.

    My old man is 80, and lemme tell you, he ain't begatting anyone these days.

    Whilst I believe in the inerrable word of God & the Bible (its so obvious the sciencicommuislamunistofascist are lying to suit their own needs), Why did they get to live so long yet most of us can't crack a 100?

  7. Why did they get to live so long yet most of us can't crack a 100?

    My theory is that the years were shorter then. The Sun went around the Earth faster or something. In the succeeding 5,000 years, the goddamned Sun has gotten lazy.

    Sorry about the name-taking-in-vain there, Big Guy.

  8. Hello! I am new here,your blog is great, I like it! I want to make friends with you.Do you mind me share my laptop batteries with you? Hope you like me,thank you very much.

  9. OMG Becareful! Always wear protection when 'sharing laptop batteries' otherwise, shame and unwanted pregnancies occur.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.