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Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Mein Popenfuhrer ist eine Wohlwollende Popenfuhrer

Michael Voris, STD
Senior Executive Producer

Dear Mr. Vortis,

Like you, I'm worried about the American electorate. They're far too protestant, far too secular, and far too brown to cast meaningful votes. I mean, my gosh, they elected an Amish Moor in the last presidential election. Next, it'll be a Chinese Lutheran. You can bet on that.

Thank the Blessed Virgin, you have a plan to end this crisis. Here's how you explain it on your video:
The only way to prevent a democracy from committing suicide is to limit the vote to faithful Catholics. Only a true Catholic nation can survive, because only truly Catholic people will be the ones looking at God and not staring in the mirror. When they cast their votes, they cast them with an eye to what God desires, not fallen human nature...

The only way to run a country is by benevolent dictatorship, a Catholic monarch who protects the people from themselves and bestows on them what they need, not necessarily what they want, who protects their rights as human beings.

It was this political system that caused Europe to emerge from the morass of marauding barbarians and create western civilization. A noble Catholic monarch advances the common good while loving and caring for his people.

If you think about it, this is, exactly how the universe is governed, isn't it. Thy kingdom come; thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.
I like your idea. Think how much greater our nation could be if Der Popenfuhrer ruled it with his well-manicured iron hand. At worst, we'd all get a pair of very stylish shoes to wear at our inquisitions. And if we're lucky, the inquisitor would put us in altar boy outfits before transubstantiating in our secret parts.

It doesn't get any better than that.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen JC Christian, patriot

More here.


  1. Yeah! Take THAT all you marauding barbarian democracy & republic lovin' Greek and Roman so-called 'civilisations'. What did you achieve? meh!
    You were NUTTIN' until the ole Benevolent Dictator came along. Really, Western Civilisation truly started in about 1184. Pope Innocent started benevolently dictating about then. He was a wise man, yet he knew true wisdon came of asking questions. He was always asking questions. He asked so many good questions, his start of true civilisation was called the 'Inquisition'.

  2. I look forward to the day that I no longer can vote. I'm tired of voting for pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, and pro-rights candidates. It'd be nice to have a Catholic King telling me what to do.

  3. That Mary-worshipping SOB should know that I'd only vote for a benevolent Baptist dictator like Franklin Graham, and if he tried to impose a Catholic dictator on this PROTESTANT nation, he'd have a civil war for Jesus on his hands - just like Europe back at the dawn of Western Civilization. Ah, them were the days.

  4. It's a good thing all of those brown folks crossing the southern border are Catholic.

  5. I live in a town in the Southwest where because of the large Hispanic population and many Eastern and Southern European immigrants, the largest denomination is Catholic. I like to point out to fundamentalists what a good idea it would be for a church-state union here.
    We could be another Northern Ireland but with the mackerel-snappers on top.

  6. All you have to do is look at the track record of the wonderfully Catholic, totally monarchical Burgundian Kingdom in central France to see how successful that idea is! Oh, wait, it got extinguished in the 1500s? Never mind...

  7. On a more serious note ...

    This Catholic spin doctor seems to have overlooked at what Clare Graves called Spiral Dynamic progression.

    In a nutshell, society has evolved since its inception in an oscillating fashion, from individual centered (Me), to socially centered (We), etc.

    Prior to the Orange Entrepreneurial level America is in at present, was the Authoritarian Blue. The newer level we're heading toward is the Socially conscious Green (the colours can be seen on the link I've included).

    So zippy can stop pooping his pants, and he'll need to accept that we're not going to turf democracy. There wont be a dictating 'Mr. Benevolent' ruler unless he's elected. Sorry.

    It was way too much work getting this far ...

  8. Hey, that offended my sensitivity! Can I demand the Catholic church down the street move away?

  9. The Pope has no clothes! The Pope has no clothes!


    Seriously, he's totally naked, walking around like a jaybird on Nude Jaybird Walking Around Night.


    I think his pecker is kind of sad. Sigh.

    (long pause)

    Yep, the Pope is totally naked, in a sad pecker kind of naked way.

    (exit stage left)


  10. The concept "crazy catholic" is redundant.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.