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Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Amazon Review: Chased by an Elephant

Update: Author's son is unhappy with my review.

It ain't easy being an author for The One True Church. Satan's minions are always gunning for you. That's certainly the case with Chased by an Elephant, an anti-homosexualist jeremiad written for Mormon children. Latter day Korihors are already attacking it in their blogs, and, as of now, I'm the only Amazon reviewer who gives it more than one star.

Please read my review. If you like it, please consider giving it your vote as "the most helpful favorable review." It'll give me a cushion should God command the Elders of Zion to write their own reviews.

4.0 out of 5 stars Where are our General Authorities?, October 11, 2010
By Gen. JC Christian, patriot (Tremonton, UT United States) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Chased by an Elephant (Paperback)
Although I applaud the author's effort to teach homosexualist children to despise themselves, I'm disappointed she didn't bring in the Church's big guns. She should have given the Prophet, Apostles, and other LDS general authorities their own characters in this book.

Imagine how much more the children would have been traumatized if Elder Boyd K Packer had been portrayed as an angry old baboon screeching at anyone who stared a little too long at his big, blood-red "rameumptum." Heck, she could have even had him eat a little homosexualist spider monkey to make sure the kids understand just how much they're hated.

The author also missed an opportunity to expose the real-life wickedness of the world's most homosexualist animals. Sure, I suppose a pair of elephants might get into a little same-sex trunk action every now and then, but I don't think such acts have been observed by scientists, missionaries, or even home teachers. She should have gone with bonobos or penguins or, better yet, juvenile bighorn rams--they've been observed forming homosexualist herds and licking each other's secret parts. They're a perfect target for a good Elder Packer tongue lashing.

But then, it may be enough that the author provides us with way to instill such virtues as shame, self-loathing, hatred, and bigotry in our children. That's why I'm giving this book four stars in spite of its shortcomings.


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