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Tuesday, October 11, 2011

"It's Scientific!" Communion Host is Body of Christ

I was conducting an intelligence analysis of the French news magazine, Talking Points Memo when I came across this photo of our brooch and sash wearing friends, The American Society for the Defense of Tradition, Family and Property. You may remember them as the group who persuaded the Virgin Mary to disrupt a presentation of Jerry Springer: The Opera by sending a storm to cause a power outage.

I was blessed with a miracle as I looked at the photo. Suddenly, the holy mother appeared on my keyboard. She was tiny and semi-transparent, looking a lot like R2D2's holographic projection of the Princess Leah in the first Star Wars movie.

It was weird. She was doing this little YMCA dance on my "PrtScrn/SysRq" key--I always wondered what that was for--but she was spelling out "American Society for the Defense of Tradition, Family and Property." Well as you can imagine, her dance took a long time to spell that out even once, and even longer before I figured out what Mrs. Christ was trying to tell me. You could tell she was frustrated. She'd stop every now and then, shake her head, and do that upward thrust of the fist while grabbing her elbow gesture.

Anyway, I finally made out what she wanted. She was telling me to go to the American Society for the Defense of Tradition, Family and Property's web site. I followed her instructions, and, man, I am glad I did. She led me to a video that was prefaced with these words:
Please watch the entire video.
It shows that the Eucharist is Our Lord. It's scientific!
I watched the video, and I have to say, it is incredible. Apparently, someone had dropped the host, or communion wafer, onto the floor. A priest picked it up and then placed it in water hoping it would dissolve. It didn't. Instead, it began to bleed.

The wafer was sent to a scientific lab where it was found to be composed of heart tissue. Then it was sent to a medical examiner who determined that the heart tissue belonged to someone who had been beaten and tortured. But even more miraculously, the medical examiner said the heart tissue was still beating!

Imagine that. We have Jesus Christ's heart tissue. Personally, I think we should clone it. I know a human has never been created through cloning, but it's Jesus, dammit, we have to try.

At the very least, we should grow it on the back of a mouse or something. Think of the boost it'd give to the wine industry if we could replace grapes with pools filled with swimming mice.

Here's the video. See the science for yourself.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.