Sucking it up for Jesus

Sen. Chris Buttars
Utah State Senate

Dear Sen. Buttars,

You warned us awhile back that the gay is "the greatest threat to America going down,” and now, unfortunately, it looks like you're fulfilling your own prophecy.

It must have been very hard for you to admit, "I don’t want ‘em stuffing it down my throat all the time." But it's important for you to know you're not alone; it's a humiliation many of us have to swallow every day.

It happens to me every time I go to my favorite biker bar, The Manhole. It's a manly kind of place. Everyone wears the meanest-looking leathers you've ever seen. But in the bathroom, there's this curious hole in the end stall's wall. It's a couple of inches in diameter and placed a little below belt level. I always peek into it to see what's on the other side, but every time I get my face down there, some guy pokes his little biker through it and into my mouth.

Now I'm not stupid. I know he wants me to give him one of those things they call a "blow job," so I outwit him by sucking as hard I can--I mean really sucking hard; so hard I steal his essence. It must hurt like hell. The moaning is horrendous. Heck, it's such an unpleasant experience, a lot of them start praying to the Lord for forgiveness, breathlessly shouting ooooooooooh God, oooooooh God, oh God, Jesus, God, before I'm finished with them.

It's a lot like fellowshipping if you think about it.

You might give it a try.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Elsewhere: The Buttars Legacy.

Fall Fundraiser: Please give if you can.
Paypal

Teaching Glenn Beck's most valued beliefs in school

Glenn Beck
Fact Engineer

Dear Brother Beck,

Although I can't fault the work you've done promoting the teaching of biblical science in our schools, you've done nothing to expose our nation's children to the Mormon science of the Book of Mormon and Pearl of Great Price. That's a shame. As one of America's most influential Mormons, you should be working hard to ensure that an LDS-based science curriculum receives the same consideration as intelligent design.

This year, millions of American children will be taught that Native Americans are descended from Asian people who migrated here over a land bridge. Not a single public school teacher will tell them the real truth: Native Americans, or as we call them, "Lamanites," are actually Jews who came here by boat in 600BC.

Nor will they be taught that God cursed the Lamanites by giving them dark skin. And who will tell them that the Book of Mormon promises Lamanites that they'll become "white and delightsome" again, after they've embraced the Gospel? Or that the Prophet, Spencer W Kimball, saw the delightsoming begining in the Sixties:

I saw a striking contrast in the progress of the Indian people today.... The day of the Lamanites is nigh. For years they have been growing delightsome, and they are now becoming white and delightsome, as they were promised. In this picture of the twenty Lamanite missionaries, fifteen of the twenty were as light as Anglos, five were darker but equally delightsome The children in the home placement program in Utah are often lighter than their brothers and sisters in the hogans on the reservation.

At one meeting a father and mother and their sixteen-year-old daughter were present, the little member girl--sixteen--sitting between the dark father and mother, and it was evident she was several shades lighter than her parents--on the same reservation, in the same hogan, subject to the same sun and wind and weather....These young members of the Church are changing to whiteness and to delightsomeness. One white elder jokingly said that he and his companion were donating blood regularly to the hospital in the hope that the process might be accelerated.

Our nation's children will never know about this wondrous miracle, because gentiles won't allow Mormon anthropology to be taught in our schools.

The same holds true for LDS astronomy and physics. You won't find a map of God's home solar system, the Kolob System, on a classroom wall. And no student will learn that God was able to create the earth in 6 days because he was on Kolob time (1 Kolob day equals 1000 Earth years).

But you have the ability to change all that. All you need to do is get on your TV show and demand that our fellow conservatives work as hard to promote the teaching of Mormon science as they do to promote biblical science instruction.

Once we've taken care of science, we can begin promoting an LDS-based history curricula. That'll be where the real fun begins. As I once told Brother Buttars:

Imagine if you will, the many hours of joy we could provide to our children if we taught true, Latter Day Saint history. Kids love to hear the story of the 2000 brave stripling warriors riding their heroic tapirs into battle against their iniquitous Nephite brethren. Why shouldn't they have the opportunity to learn about it in our schools.

Let me know if I can lend a hand.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Fall Fundraiser: Please give if you can.
Paypal

UT State Sen. Chris Buttars Testimonial

What Sen. Chris Buttars does to unwind after a hard day of fighting monkeys, The Black, Juden, and The Gay in the Utah State Legislature:

Chris Buttars ordered two large men to violently rip my clothes off, shave my head bald and made me walk around naked (my underwear was torn in struggle) with nothing but an army blanket for 2 weeks. My room mates whom I was locked in with were there for sexually molesting their younger brothers. I was 13 and I never recovered from my experiences there.

It was much worse than that but I can't stand to describe it. I'd give anything to ask him ‘why?’

He allowed mentally ill children to grow up without any psychological treatment (mental illness in the boys ranch was defined as "the crazy act for attention") He also turned a blind eye to prison justice against these kids in his boys ranch

Beyond that he is the worst human being I've ever been eye to eye with.

More here.

White Pride, Party Wide

It's getting so a proud whites-first Republican can't get a break anywhere these days. Take Utah State Senator Chris Buttars for instance. He makes a few comments about The Black, and and all the tolerancislamunistofascists from Tremonton to Panquitch get their asses in an uproar. 

One of his constituents claims to be so embarrassed by him, he or she created a web site called "Save Me From My Senator." There's even a place there where you can get "Save Me From My Senator" banners.

I don't get it. Why would anyone be embarrassed if their Senator made comments like these:

This baby is black, I’ll tell you. This is a dark, ugly thing.

As you can imagine, that comment didn't go over very well with the more tolerance-minded and they let Sen. Buttars know it. Here's his response:

I thought … the first couple days, 'Well you’re getting beat up but you deserve it, you made a mistake.’ But then they started getting meaner and meaner and meaner to the point it is just a hate lynch mob.

Some might say it's stupid to counter anger about a black-babies-are-dark-and-ugly comment by calling it a lynching, but Sen. Butters thinks otherwise:

Lynch mob is a Western term. You wouldn’t find one person in 10,000 in Utah that thinks that’s a racist term…. That’s not a racial term in my opinion.

Who'd have thought that response would get him in even more hot water? Well, it did. But the Senator was ready and countered with this.

How do I know what words I’m supposed to use in front of those people?

In the end, it was all good, at least it appears so from this account of a meeting with the Senator:

We were all surprised. It ended with Senator Buttars making it clear to us that he is powerful; he could repeat the 'black baby' remark and that he was untouchable. He said, 'If they wanted to get rid of me they would have done it in the primaries, and they didn’t. I am here to stay.

But Sen. Buttars being Sen. Buttars, there's always another quote to anger the tolerant:

Well, I think Brown v. Board of Education is wrong to begin with. That's a whole other subject.

We can all be thankful that these controversies don't affect his "get er done" attitude about legislative committee work. Here, he's responding to a fellow senator's suggestion that they get more information before they pass a bill out of committee:

We get bound up here all the time on "we don’t understand this." Well, there’s a lot of things we vote on that we don’t understand, but I would rather stand on the principle of "let's go for it."

And finally, let's not forget he'll never bow his head in the servitude on monkeys:

The divine design is a counter to the kids' belief that we all come from monkeys.

So there you have it. Sen. Buttars is a conservative's conservative and a Republican's Republican. Heck, he's almost Palin-like in his views. Why would anyone be ashamed to be represented by him?