WI Sen. Sheila Harsdorf Ends The Tyranny of the Ramrod

Sen. Sheila Harsdorf
Wisconsin State Senate

Dear Sen. Harsdorf,

I love the message of your "Family" ad. It's something we can all relate to. You're doing what you're doing so your son can have a better life.

I'm guessing that's why you're sponsoring ALEC's and Altria/Phillip Morris' legislation to reduce the ad valorem (obviously Mexican talk) tax on moist snuff tobacco products. You want your son to be able to buy the finest chewing tobacco, not that crappy long cut Skoal or leafy Beechnut. And, by God, you're right, our children's lips deserve the best, Copenhagen Snuff or Philip Morris' Snus, and nothing else.

By boldly defending snuff, you've become a member of a larger family of chewing tobacco enthusiasts, one we call Dip Nation. We're a fine bunch of proud Confederate-Americans who hate the OBAMUNIST USURPER, despise homosexualism, and love spittin' and throwin' up.

Your new family at Dip Nation has a lot of energy we could contribute to your campaign. Although it might be too late to do ads for the tee vee, you could enlist us to tell our stories via robocalls.

Dip Nation's Taylor Galleberg has a particularly compelling story to tell. It's the kind of story that demonstrates the need for your legislation like nothing else. Take a look at what he has to say and I'm sure you'll agree:

I know a guy who threw a dip in his dick hole!

That's the kind of thing you can't do with anything other than a moist snuff. A man's urethra just isn't meant to accept long cut and leaf chews--you'd need some kind of ramrod to stuff Skoal, Grizzly, or Beechnut down it.

But moist snuff, well, to paraphrase Walt Garrison. "Just a pinch shoved down your thingy hole; it feels mighty relaxin' in there." OK, it might be an intensely burning kind of relaxation, but pure Copenhagen satisfaction nonetheless.

Imagine Mr. Gallenberg telling that story in one of your robocalls:

Hi, I'm Taylor Galleberg. I'm calling in support of Wisconsin State Senator Sheila Harsdorf. Sure, a lot of people hate her for destroying education, emasculating services, and blindly serving the wealthy, but I'm here to tell you about the good things she's doing for our kids. She sponsored a bill lowering taxes on moist snuff tobacco products. Thanks to her, our children can stuff tobacco into their urethras without resorting to using ramrods. That's a big win for the kids of Wisconsin, and that's why I'm voting for Senator Sheila Harsdorf.

Please get back to me soon, so we can begin taping those robocalls.

Heterosexually yours, in a chaste, biblically appropriate, and intensely burning kind of way,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

My kind of Bible

I try to read World Net Daily every day right after I shave my hogs. This story about the new Bible must have come on the same day as Rush's (my old boar) terrible lathering accident--had to eat him after that--because I don't remember reading it.

The "Good As New Bible" sounds like my kind of scripture. It gets rid of all those flowery thees and thous and all those other ladies' words and uses language a real patriot can understand.

Here are a few examples from the WND article:

Matthew 26:69-70

Authorized version: "Now Peter sat without in the palace: and a damsel came unto him, saying, 'Thou also wast with Jesus of Galilee.' But he denied before them all, saying, I know not what thou sayest."

New: "Meanwhile Rocky was still sitting in the courtyard. A woman came up to him and said: 'Haven't I seen you with Jesus, the hero from Galilee?" Rocky shook his head and said: 'I don't know what the hell you're talking about!'"

Mark 1:4

Authorized version: "John did baptize in the wilderness, and preach the baptism of repentance for the remission of sins."

New: "John, nicknamed 'The Dipper,' [I bet Mr. The Baptist was a Skoal man] was 'The Voice.' He was in the desert, inviting people to be dipped, to show they were determined to change their ways and wanted to be forgiven."

Mark 1:10-11

Authorized version: "And straightway coming up out of the water, he saw the heavens opened, and the Spirit like a dove descending upon him. And there came a voice from the heaven saying, Thou art my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased."

New: "As he was climbing up the bank again, the sun shone through a gap in the clouds. At the same time a pigeon flew down and perched on him. Jesus took this as a sign that God's spirit was with him. A voice from overhead was heard saying, 'That's my boy! You're doing fine!'"

1 Corinthians 7:1-2

KJV: "Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: [It is] good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, [to avoid] fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband."

New: "Some of you think the best way to cope with sex is for men and women to keep right away from each other. That is more likely to lead to sexual offences. My advice is for everyone to have a regular partner."

1 Corinthians 7:8-7

KJV: "I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn."

New: "If you know you have strong needs, get yourself a partner. Better than being frustrated."

A helmet tip to reader DK.

And as long as we're talking about dipping:

Our old friend, Skoalrebel, finally made it to the big time.

He's Back

Obama's greatest nemesis, the dipper formerly known as SkoalRebel, is back and he's pissed at all you Obamunist haters.



And ladies, I think he's still available.

Skoalrebel and the Dipping Community hit the big time

The liberal elite will never understand us:



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Dip Nation, Rebel Snuff

After watching all those patriotic Obama-hating tobacco chewing videos this weekend, I decided to join their social media site, Dip Nation. Once there I signed up for a group called Join "REBEL SNUFF= NOT FOR YANKEES." Take a look at their comments:





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He even plays classic rock

Not only does he dip and hate Obama and the Gay, skoalrebel also plays a mean "Smoke on the Water."



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Running the Gay out of the Skoal-chewing community

Maybe skoalrebel is a real Teabagger-American after all. He hates the Gay (and chewing competitors).



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Ain't no real Teabagger-American

This guy ain't no real Teabagger-American. He's obviously been exposed to too much book learnin', and dammit, real Teabagger-Americans swallow.



Tip of the ol' helmet to Pam.

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