My second call to the Prince

Here are the videos of my second call to Prince Shannon (I had to split it up to meet length requirements). I also transcribed a few excerpts from the call. They appear below the videos.

Prince Shannon is angry about my request for photos of his men wearing the invisible Ephesians 6 armor of God. He also refuses to salute me and denigrates Spartan-style wrestling by making it sound tawdry, cheap, and dirty.





The Prince And I: Previous discussions with Prince Shannon
I write Prince Shannon
My first call to Prince Shannon.
Calling Prince Shannon again.
Another email: A Fist full of Photos

I'm including a partial transcript for those who can't watch videos at work.

Prince Shannon: You asked for naked pictures of men? What are you, insane? Why would you want naked pictures of men?

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: That's how I gauge the fit of the Armor of God.

Prince Shannon: No, no, no, no, no. That's not what He [Jesus] means by the armor of God--to send a bunch of naked pictures of men.

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: Uh, well, the Armor of God is invisible. You...

Prince Shannon: We're just going to argue.

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: You can't see it. You just gotta look at the impressions.

***
Prince Shannon: You're saying a bunch of men and to take their staff and put it in your glory hole and then to put lipstick on...

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: Cave of Shame. Don't you, don't you make that sound dirty. Don't you dare make Spartan wrestling into a dirty thing.

Prince Shannon: Well, it is dirty.

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: Noooo! It's an ancient form of warriorly combat between culture warriors. It's an honor. It's an honor, sir.

Prince Shannon: It's and honor to wrestle with a bunch of naked men? Do you actually do this?

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: Of course I do. Do you think I'd make something like that up?

Prince Shannon: I would surely hope you wouldn't But I'd hope you wouldn't be serious at the same time.

***

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: Don't you dare say that I asked you to send naked pictures to me, That's not the purpose. Sure, sure, you might appear naked in the photos, but what the purpose is, is to see how the Armor of God fits you. The Armor of God is invisible...

Prince Shannon: It is pornography... It is disgusting pornography, and I don't care how you view it...

***

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: Why else would you be attacking me, the leader of one of the biggest militia groups for over a decade now.

Prince Shannon: I give you full respect for that. I give you full respect for that...

***

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: I just asked you to send me photos. It's not like I touch myself, much, when I look at them.

Prince Shannon: You can't understand that would be weird, at best, and not follow up on that, and not explain that before you put a call up like that?

***

Prince Shannon: I'm not going to wrestle naked with a bunch of guys. That's a party I won't come too.

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: That's the greatest honor one warrior can give to another. I'm not going to give you that, now.

Prince Shannon: It may have been for that time, General, but the way it works today. You don't think I'm a warrior.

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: I don't think you deserve the honor of having my rigid shaft driven deep into your cave of shame.

Prince Shannon: No, I don't think so. I don't think that is an honorable thing, you know, to have some man's penis...

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: Don't you, don't you make it sound dirty, now.

Prince Shannon: That is dirty general. you've got to be kidding me.

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: No, it's a warriorly thing. If you understood the ways of our Spartan warrior forefathers, you'd understand this.

Prince Shannon: I don't care what the ancient Spartan forefathers did if there are a bunch of naked men wrestling around. And I know they were tough. I know that they were, you know, a real force to be reckoned with, the Spartans were. I understand that. OK, but this isn't Sparta. This is America, here. And we're going down the tubes.

And our groups need each other. We don't need to be talking about things like this. If we have disagreements that's one thing, General. I can overlook that. You believe this way. I believe that way. So what. It has nothing to do with our Constitution....General, we're losing our nation right now. We don't need to be arguing and fighting and doing things like this. We're supposed to bring our groups together...

***

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: You can either send me the photos or not, whatever.

Prince Shannon: Absolutely not. That will not happen, General.

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: Well...

Prince Shannon: No. That will not happen.

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: Well, OK. I offered to help. I really believe that you're probably some kind of libislamunistofascist.

A fist full of photos

Shannon Carson
Field Marshal
Right Wing Extreme Militia

Dear Mr. Shannon,

Today, I received a number of photos from someone who identified himself as "Sir Terry the Limber, Royal Quartermaster." I assume you asked him to send them. If that's the case, thank you for finally coming to your senses. Now, we can get to work.

As per my request, everyone in the photos is wearing their invisible Ephesians 6 Armor of God and nothing else. The skin indentations indicate that you are all wearing your armor correctly except for the Codpiece of Redemptive Anger--none of you have that right. Your man grenades hang freely when they should be tucked safely inside the codpiece. Heck, the overweight hairy guy appears to have three grenades, and they hang so low, they could create a tripping hazard during close arms combat. He needs to police up his satchel charges, immediately.

I'm also concerned by the photo I assume to be yours--it's the only one showing a man holding a scepter. I've been staring at your "little soldier" for a little over an hour now (and as I promised you last night, I did not touch myself, much). While I'm impressed by your little soldier's pistol-barrel-like rigidity, and monstrous length--I estimate it at nearly three inches--I'm more than a little concerned about its shooting end. You appear to have a Judeo-Muslim helmet rather a good, god-fearing, Baptist aardvark down there.

Are you sure you're not some kind of Kenyan?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot
American Christian Militia

The Prince And I: Previous discussions with Prince Shannon
I write Prince Shannon
Recording: My first call to Prince Shannon.
Calling Prince Shannon again.
Another email: A Fist full of Photos
Recording: Calling Shannon Carson again

Elsewhere: Prince Shannon gives me a shout out on his radio show. Not much there. He started to discuss our militia, then seemed to get sidetracked. I think he might be secretly re-evaluating his position on Spartan-style wrestling. That'd explain why he seemed so preoccupied.

The Prince and the General

Last week, I wrote Prince Shannon, the commander of the Right Wing Extreme Militia, offering to help him through a public relations crisis--he volunteered his group to provide security for "Burn the Koran Day," and then, almost immediately, pulled out.

Part of the help I offered, included this:

I'll need photos of you and your men wearing the Armor of God--nothing else, just the Armor of God, so I can evaluate how well you wear it. Oil up before donning it if you can. It'll help me see the indentations the armor will make in your skin. It'll also help if you shave "down there" so I can gauge the Codpiece of Redemptive Anger's fit. I also hope you'll present your Staffs of Righteousness as rigidly as possible--it's kind of an aesthetic thing I like. Same goes for a bit of lipstick--adds a little color to all that flesh.

He responded and asked me to give him a call. I did. We talked for about ten minutes. I recorded it and made this video to share the conversation with my men.



Here are a few excerpts for those of you who are at work and can't listen.

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: So you like the crusades, and you hope someday to take Jerusalem for the Christians?

Prince Shannon: I would absolutely like to do that, but we need to take America back first, here.

***

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: But you know there's something about when you get a group of men together, a group of men who all love the Lord and love the capitalist system and love America, love the America we want, that use to be. You get them together for a wrestlin' match, you know, get all oiled up and naked--just like our Spartan forefathers did. And you wrestle, you wrestle hard until one man submits when you drive your hard, rigid, shaft of glory deep into his cave of shame, and that is the bonding moment, the moment when the men come together and you become a unit.

Prince Shannon: Yeah, I couldn't agree more.

***

Prince Shannon: We just teamed up and joined with us a North Florida survival group militia. They found out about Right Wing, and they joined up with us too.

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: Do they have those ghillie suits, the ghillie suits like the snipers wear.

Prince Shannon: Yes. Yes.

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: I love those so much.

Prince Shannon: Yeah, yeah...

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: You know, one thing about those ghillie suits, when you do shoot your pictures, and you do the part where I ask you to "shave down there." Collect all the clippings. I make ghille suits out of those.

Prince Shannon: Oh yeah, really. [nervous laugh] Wow. Cool.

***

Prince Shannon: You've asked for photos. Well, I'll tell you. we're spread out all across the United States and our members are as well.

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: Well, it's really the only way I can tell if you're wearing the Armor of God like it says in Ephesians 6.

Prince Shannon: Well, like I said, we take on the crusaders--that's the theme we have--and that's the kind of photos you're going to get from us, the white with the red cross.

***

Prince Shannon: ...we need to get together and have a national meeting, somewhere, with all the Christian militia groups in the United States, and there's quite a few of them, including Right Wing, including yourself.

***

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: Yeah, they don't know how to take on armor. What you gotta do is get a CCI .22 stinger in your rifle and you shoot right straight down the barrel. What that does is it compresses the [spent] uranium in the round, and it causes a small nuclear explosion and destroys the tank. People don't know that kind of stuff.

Prince Shannon: Yeah, I tell you. I don't know that kind of stuff.

***

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: And you just know he [Obama] is eating babies. You just know he is.

Prince Shannon: Yes. Yes. Yes.

***

Prince Shannon: I will support you guys, and I hope you will support us as well.

The Prince And I: My discussions with Prince Shannon
I write Prince Shannon
Calling Prince Shannon again.
Another email: A Fist full of Photos
Recording: Calling Shannon Carson again

Building a Better Christian Warrior

Shannon Carson
Field Marshal
Right Wing Extreme Militia

Dear Mr. Shannon,

I'm the nation's premiere Christian militia training and crisis management expert, and I think you could use a little help right now. Don't worry, I'm doing it pro-bono. It's a pay-it-forward kind of thing I first picked up from JB Stoner.

You're in real trouble, image-wise, right now. Announcing you'd pull security duty for Pastor Terry Jones's "Burn the Koran Day" and then, almost immediately, backing out was more than just a rookie mistake; it was a rookie disaster. It made you look like a bunch of sequin-spangled pantsuited wussies; not sequin-spangled pantsuited like Elvis--he was, as the kids say, "the bomb"--but like some kind of really bad scooter-riding sideburnless Swedish Euro-pop quartet from France.

I can help you recover. It'll be hard, but if you follow my advice, I think you could become as famous and as intimidating as House Republican Caucus.

Here's what you need to do:

First, you have to lose the handle you're using on your website. I know you think "Prince Shannon" makes you sound like a crusader, but actually, it just reinforces the image that you're an impotent wanker. It's very tinny. You need something much more woody, something like "Emperor Ghorbanifar the Skulldoer." It's the kind of name that'll evoke fear in the hearts of your enemies and cause mothers to pull their children close when you pass by.

Second, you need to look the part. Now, I haven't seen your unit, but I suspect you probably wear black turtlenecks and berets or something very similar. As Christian warriors, you should be wearing the Armor of God (Eph 6:10-17).

Wearing the Armor of God can be tricky. It's invisible, and therefore, hard to position correctly. I can help you with that. I know just how and where it should create impressions on the skin.

I'll need photos of you and your men wearing the Armor of God--nothing else, just the Armor of God, so I can evaluate how well you wear it. Oil up before donning it if you can. It'll help me see the indentations the armor will make in your skin. It'll also help if you shave "down there" so I can gauge the Codpiece of Redemptive Anger's fit. I also hope you'll present your Staffs of Righteousness as rigidly as possible--it's kind of an aesthetic thing I like. Same goes for a bit of lipstick--adds a little color to all that flesh.

The photos should be high resolution, so I can enlarge them enough to be seen on my computer screen from wherever I'm, uh, working, yeah, in my room.

Well, that's about all the help I can give you until I receive the photos. Please send them soon, so I can get right to work.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

The Prince And I: My discussions with Prince Shannon
I write Prince Shannon
Calling Prince Shannon again.
Another email: A Fist full of Photos
Recording: Calling Shannon Carson again