Rep. Chuck Damschen
North Dakota House of Representatives
Dear Rep. Damschen,
Congratulations on the passage of your bill granting full civil-rights to zygote-Americans. It's a great start, but we both know it is only that, a start. Trillions upon trillions of our spermatazoan-American brothers continue to be murdered every hour in our nation. This tubesock holocaust must end.
Purity pledges aren't the answer. Men need to liberate the spermatazoan-Americans imprisoned within their gonads on a regular basis. Without such a release, A man's system gets backed up, causing him to slip into an O'Reillian state of constant, uncontrolled rage.
A law is needed to ensure that spermatazoan-Americans are cared for after their liberation. The law doesn't need to be burdensome--it should simply require men to liberate their spermatazoan-Americans into a mason jar they keep in a cool place (I use my cellar) until it can be transferred to a federally-funded Christian housing facility (built with stimulus money).
But as you know, it's very difficult to pass that kind of legislation. People just don't grasp the seriousness of the spermatazoan-Americans' plight. We need to raise public awareness, like African-Americans did in the Sixties with their March on Washington.
And that's what I'm thinking we should do--we should have a Spermatazoan-American March on Washington. But it needs to be big. It needs to be a Billion Spermatazon-American March on Washington.
Now, I know that might sound a bit ambitious, but it's easily achievable. The average man provides freedom to 412,000,000 spermatazoan-Americans per each liberation episode (I release 412,000,001). That means, together, we could provide almost 85% of the spermatazoan-Americans needed. We just need to recruit another guy.
I think it should be Prince. He's a famous singer, so his participation would help us publicize the event. He's also a very pretty man, and that might come in handy as we perform the liberation ritual (which we'll do standing in a circle at Lincoln's feet within the monument).
I'd like to get together with you to plan this out in a bit more detail and, perhaps, get a little practice time in. Please let me know when you're available.
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
Update: Rep. Damschen replies; I respond.