Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

If you like the patriotic work we're doing, please consider donating a few dollars. We could use it. (if asked for my email, use "")

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Mary J. Brenny: More Important Than The Gay

Sen. Paul Koering
Minnesota State Senate

Dear Sen. Koering,

I never thought I'd be writing the gay, even a Republican the gay like yourself, but you did something this week that deserves my heartfelt thanks. You announced you would uphold one of our nation's most cherished segregationist traditions and vote to deny yourself the right to marry the one you love. Certainly, it's that kind of self-hating toadyism that earned you a Republican Hero Award from the Log Cabin Republicans (what a fine, "real American" name--they must be true patriots of the Heartland, perhaps even lumberjacks.)

I was particularly impressed by the explanation you gave KLKS radio:
Koering, who is gay and a Republican, said he would vote against it because the state faces bigger problems.
And it is true. The state does face bigger problems than providing equal protection to all of its citizens, and you are sponsoring bills to address those problems.

Take SR15 for instance. Nothing is more important to the well-being of the citizens of Minnesota than passing your resolution honoring Mary J. Brenny. She owned both her town's ambulance service and mortuary, thus providing one stop service to the good citizens of Morrison County. You have to honor that kind of service.

The same holds true for SF3557. If you don't make English the official language, the brown people win. The whole state would be speaking Mexican and eating spicy foods by 2015.

These are both important bills. Thank God you had the courage to vote against marriage equality so you could devote more energy to their passage.

But I still have to wonder why someone who is the gay would do that? It's about as self-hating an act as I can imagine. Are you absolutely sure you're the gay and not just another heterosexual conservative who enjoys putting another man's little soldier in your mouth from time to time? You might consider giving that a little thought. Maybe you could talk to Ted Haggard, Larry Craig, and Bob Allen about it. They might be able to help you out with your sexual confusion.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot


  1. well done................I am fucking howling..............

  2. Gaurav:

    A word to the wise; "hacking" listed as a hobby on your blog profile, will probably not increase traffic to your blog.

    General, Sir:

    If only there were men who would, for a fee, put their little soldiers in those good GODLY republican mouths, all of this foolishness about teh GAY marriage would just stop. I mean, women have been doing it forever, why not men?

  3. "Republican the gay" is now my favorite descriptive.

  4. So, this is really fascinating. Apparently, even when Republicans come out of the closet they remain self-loathing pricks.

    Then again, Clarence Thomas already proved, as if it were ever in doubt, that there is no depth to which a Republican hack won’t sink.

  5. Bong DeJour Mon Hineyral, It's about time someone recognized the courage and sacrifice required of our Repooplican brethren. It takes a lot of said courage and sacrifice to walk away from all moral and ethical convictions simply to survive in a party of so much corruption, greed and self interest. It is a rite of passage to greater and higher office and the good Sen. Koering knows it, no doubt.

    It takes enormous internal stamina, to simply walk away from all that is holey and righteous and pursue the weak, infirm, less privileged, and especially the Brown People, especially now that it's not so popular. It takes vision to recognize that with the success of “The Grand Ole Party” all this moral, ethical hocus pocus crap becomes meaningless anyway, so what was that about marriage equality? Clearly, this man can't be honored enough. Your awestruck aspiring disciple,

  6. Anything to get re-elected!

  7. Looks to me like he's having trouble spitting out the gay or swallowing equal rights. Must be tragic - maybe he can't get the little soldier any action and he's bitter.

  8. I think the invisible hand of the free market owes this fella a courtesy reach-around. But then I always think that, so no surprise there.


  9. With so much time on his hands, Sen. Koernholing should now sponsor legislation outlawing masturbation for people who are afflicted with teh Gay. Or making it illegal for people like him to marry wimmenfolks, because that would be cruel to the women, raising their expectations for baby-making when it's just not gonna happen. Unless maybe they dress up like the Indian from the Village People.

  10. mon General

    Sen. Koering is so pink! so round and smooth, so...piglet cute. I bet that Vitter fellow would have a nappy just his size. And I suppose he doesn't need to get married because every time he goes to the toilet up pops a horny republican!

  11. I don't think he's gay. I think sucks cock to prove to himself how much he doesn't like it. He's just taking more convincing that most.

    Kind of like me. I don't enjoy doing cocaine but I just love the smell of it.

  12. You are a genius!!!

  13. I'm glad to know he's got his priorities in order.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.