Rep. Bill Posey
U.S. House of Representatives
Dear Rep Posey,
The recent controversy about Obama's Terrifying Black Snake of White Insecurity got me to thinking that perhaps there should be a penis registration requirement for some presidential candidates. After all, it isn't the first time our demands to see a presidential member were thwarted. We had the same problem with the Clenis, remember. God, how we wanted to see if it curved.
Now, I don't think all presidential thingies need to be registered. You never heard us demanding to see the Reagan or Bush penises. Unlike Clinton and Obama, they cleared brush with chainsaws--large, loud chainsaws are kind of like big old dinks to us, so it's basically the same thing.
I mean, heh, the sight of the Gipper or W pushing the tip of a long steely chainsaw through a wild tangle of bush does something to a RealAmerican®. It engorges his tree of liberty with the blood of patriotic fervor, and by doing so, makes him feel powerful and in control, as if he were still the master of his plantation or the chairman of his town's White Citizens' Council. It's a rare kind of feeling, one that is not easy to capture without some kind of external stimulation like guns and big pickups, brush and chainsaws, or photos of a demislamunistofascist wanger.
That's why I'm asking you to please add a penis registration requirement for not-RealAmerican® presidential candidates to your birth certificate bill. Well, to for the male ones anyway, because, as you may know, ladies don't have them.
Gen. JC Christian, patriot