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Monday, April 25, 2011

Of Sarah, Glory Rings, Worship Hammers, and Tongues

It's been awhile since I've checked in with worship instrument fabricator Jennifer Lynn Joy. Her ministry continues to flourish and she's beginning to mix with important people:
On September 12, 2010, I was invited to a Sarah Palin "Meet and Greet" and the "Raise the Roof" Fundraiser for Teen Challenge in Missoula Montana. The "Meet and Greet" included about 50 individuals, with the greatest percentage being Teen Challenge Leaders from the Northwest.
It's great to hear that Our Lady of the Immaculate Teabag is helping out such a godly outfit as Teen Challenge. They are one of the foremost faith-based funded teen re-education camp providers in the country. By teaching rebellious teens how to speak in tongues (see demonstration at right) and by fighting Pokemon, Harry Potter, and the nation of Haiti, Teen Challenge puts our children back on the straight and narrow. Their success rate nears 86% (if you rule out silly scientistofascist concerns like drop-out rates and self-reporting).

Sister Joy was very impressed with Mrs. Palin:
I found Sarah to be genuine, authentic, delightful, full of life and light. She is the mother of five children, married to Todd for 22 years, the former Governor of Alaska, an athlete, and most of all quite radical about her faith in Christ Jesus.
That last part about Sister Sarah being "radical about her faith" brings great joy to me heart, because, as you see here, "radical" has a very special meaning to Sister Joy:
My first day to take rings (Glory Rings) into worship up to the fourth floor “box”, which was designated for radical worship. There were two men worshipping…
When John opened his arsenal first he pulled out an Elijah Mantle (I have one of those), then a flag from Albany (I have one of those), then a blue prayer cloth (I have one of those), bottles of anointing oil (I have some of those) …it was like meeting my twin brother in the spiritual realm. Then he pulled out a solid steel hammer with a 40-pound head! During worship he lifted the hammer over his head as though it weighed 2 pounds not 40 pounds and began hammering. Oh JESUS! I could literally hear and see doors, cracks, crevices, caskets, barrels, gates, doorways and windows being sealed shut in the spirit realm.
I wonder if Sister Sarah performed a little radical worshiping at the Teen Challenge event. Did she whip out a glory ring, an Elijah Mantle, or bottles of anointing oil? Or better yet, did she strike the heavens with one of Sister Joy's state worship hammers pictured below:

State Hammers

And now for something not very different: Although I'm a big fan of Sister Joy's radical worship instruments, I find the "Prepare the Bride Hammer" to be a bit unsettling.

0109 Prepare the Bride Worship Hammers 1

One last thing.

Sister Joy received a prophecy that answers the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything:
This morning (12.21.09) in conversational prayer with an intercessor, I began to see in my mind’s eye a map of the United States and the cities to which I sent the horses, pinpointed. I noticed the pinpoints outlined an arrow pointing east. This piqued my curiosity so I did a little research which I thought you might enjoy.

In the United States:
  • A City of Tabernacle: Colville, WA (48 degree longitude-the most northern point)
  • A City of Endurance: Simi Valley, CA (34 degree longitude - the most southern point)
  • A City of Hope: Knoxville, TN (35 degree longitude - the most eastern point).
  • A City of Promise: Strathroy, ONT (42 degree longitude - northern sister, Canada).
  • A City of Offspring or Seed: Jerusalem, Israel (31 degree longitude - where the arrow of intercession is sent).
One of the hidden messages is:
  • 48 = Tabernacle or Dwelling Place †
  • 34 = Endurance †
  • 35 = Hope †
As we (a dwelling place of ADONAI) endure, hope will come.

42 = The Second Coming of Christ †
OK, one more thing, now it's time for something completely different.

That Stinkin' Pinkos album in my blogads is chock full of godammed libislamunistofascist hilarity. Listen to a few tracks, buy the damned thing, and fire it up at your next book and album burning.

After hearing the album, all I can do is exclaim: "L'sharta gelubega gotrah pomoto shara gabba gabba hey!"


  1. You also might like the Honey Fed Worms. Try Devonian Love, Cave Babe... or 1963 if you're into poli-schlock.

  2. That spicking in tongues ain't so special. He's just talkin' Eye-talian. I don't talk Eye-tie, but I know that preacher was doing it because of how he was waving his hands when he did it. All them spaghetti-heads do that. We were in Venice on holiday a couple weeks ago and my eyeballs got dizzy just trying to follow their hands. (To make sure they weren't getting out switchblades, you know. Lotsa Italians carry them. They're the ones who taught the Meskins that trick, I think.)

    Meanwhile, all that talk from Sister Sarah about pulling it out, annointing oils, her twin brother, steely heads that pounded, pounded, pounded... That would get me hot and bothered like it was the plot of some pre-verted insectivorous filthmovie, except I know it's all in the service of God, just like Lot and his daughters.

  3. The reason these people are doing the Lord's work is because He is really, really lazy. If you go to His house and the door bell rings He almost never gets up to get it, and if He does get up it's only because He thinks there might be a pizza delivery. Let's face it: God has become something of a galactic embarrassment. Think He's gonna answer your prayers? Why, He won't even clear His own plate. Hate to be a downer, but it had to be said.

  4. General, Sir:

    I was down in my wine cellar*, yesterday, and I was using a 12# sledge hammer to straighten out a support wall that I built under a main beam. That mothahjumper is HEAVY. A 40# hammer? Sweet, suffrin' steeldrivin' JESUS!!

    Swingin' his hammer for JESUS may make this feller think he's got a gift. I would just advise him to not go see "Thor". I mean that ain't no man swingin' a hammer for GOD, it's a god swingin' it for man; I'm just sayin's, all.

    *Okay, it's just the cellar, but I did bring some Night Train with me.

  5. I had a very different understanding of what a “glory ring” was. Very different.

  6. Also: I’m pretty sure I’ve heard that speaking-in-tongues thing somewhere else

  7. As usual, the wacko doesn't understand simple geography and/or coordinates.

    All of her "longitudes" should be latitudes. There is a difference, just ask a pilot of a ship captain.

    And if Strathroy, ONT. (42.57.08 latitude, 81.37.28 longitude) is a city of promise then I'm positive she is full of crap. I've been there.

    No offense to any hosers who might be reading this.

  8. I had a very different understanding of what a “glory ring” was. Very different.

    Brother von Davers, are you sure you didn't mean "glory hole"?

    (Gosh, did I have a hard time finding a link that would make it past Teh Gen'l's purity filters. But I had a great time researching!)


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.