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Tuesday, October 06, 2009

God, Football, and a Curse Levied for Assless Goat Chaps

Mayor Ronnie Cobb
City of Fort Oglethorpe, GA

Dear Mayor Cobb,

As much as I support your fight to allow the hanging of Bible verses at your football stadium, I'm afraid it's giving our Lord, Jesus, a big ol' black eye. I mean my gosh, last Friday, you had a whole stadium of people worshiping the Lord with righteous signage, yet your team got its ass kicked, 34-0.

A similar situation is occurring at Breckinridge County High School in Kentucky. There, Coach Mooney took all his un-Jesused players to be secretly baptized. You'd think that'd be good for the team, but they're struggling at the bottom of their division with a 2-4 win/loss record.

Same goes for Pace High School in Florida where the principal and athletic director risked jail by leading prayers at school. Their record: two wins, three losses.

As Tony Dungy and Peyton Manning tell us, God wins football games, so why did He forsake such worshipful teams as the Fort Oglethorpe Warriors, the Beckenridge County Fighting Tigers, and the Pace Patriots?

I have to wonder if their city leaders are involved in level of wickedness so great, it outweighs the righteousness of their football teams and fans--God has no choice but to punish them.

Please look around you, Mayor Cobb. How many of your colleagues are secret adulterers, fornicators, masturbators, sitzpinklers, witches, sorcerers, or Mormons. How many read Harry Potter, or worse yet, some version of the Bible other than the King James Version?

I mean, my gosh, take a look at councilman Johnnie "Red" Smith. Just look at him. Can you imagine him wearing assless goatskin chaps as he dances around a bonfire chanting Satan's praises?

How about you? Do you ever slather your body in honey, roll in corn flakes, and then offer yourself up to squirrels?

No matter who is doing the sinning, it's time for you to do something about it. The football season is young. There's still time to get back on God's good side and turn this thing around.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Video: Jesus in the grandstands.

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  1. General, Sir:

    I watched that video and a couple of others at the same magic window site. Did you know that the cheerleaders at that school dress 'bout as skimpily as most and dance about like harlots? Also, they was an extra special treat in that mix with that Reptilican Rapper, "Hi Caliber" doin' his thing.

  2. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  3. Damn Chinese Commie Spies!!!

  4. Warriors for Jesus? Where's the New Testament crowd?

  5. Who is the Control Group for the great experiment known as America? Anyone?



We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.