Faithful Word Baptist Church Responds

The little girl deserved it:

Hey JC.....

This ignorant 12 yr.old girl is reaping what she sowed and deserves all she's getting. This 12 yr.old girl and her ugly mom, slandered and slandered a pastor, his wife and the whole church, relentlously for months. Go, play with your SODOMITE FRIENDS, and mind your own business, you stinkin FAG HAG.

Update: It looks like Zsuzsanna has a new blog.

Schism!

If David and Helen Edwards attend the Faithful Word Baptist Church today, Pastor Steven L. Anderson and his charming wife, Zsuzsanna will kick their schismatic asses:

Why the Edwards Have Been Kicked out of Faithful Word Baptist Church

Unfortunately we have had to kick the Edwards out of our church. After months of receiving reports from many different people about Mrs. Edwards’ continual backbiting and criticism of our church members, as well as her constant rebuking of visitors and new believers for their clothing, etc., we have been forced to take action.

First I preached several sermons that alluded to these subjects in an attempt to solve the problem. Then several weeks ago I spoke to Brother Edwards privately over the phone about this issue, and at that point it should have been over. After continual complaints and my own observations it unfortunately became necessary to a call a meeting Sunday night after the service to deal with the problem. In the meeting Mrs. Edwards was forced to apologize to some of those against whom she had sinned. At the end of the meeting the entire church, including the Edwards, agreed to forgive, forget, and put this behind us. Yet even after this meeting Mrs. Edwards maliciousness and backbiting has continued; therefore, the Edwards family has been asked to leave.

In the past three years of our existence Faithful Word Baptist Church has enjoyed harmony and a spirit of one accord unlike any other church I have ever been a part of. We will not allow ANYONE to seek to divide our church into factions by backbiting, judging and criticizing new believers and visitors, having a “holier than thou” attitude, and otherwise tormenting our church members.

The Edwards have been told verbally, and are being told here, that if they choose to come to our church this Sunday they will be kicked out.

Helen says it is Zsuzsanna's fault:

Here is a statement that Zsusza Anderson is spreading all over the Internet about us the Edwards family,

"We believe they specifically targeted our church in an attempt to befriend certain members and then split the church, and that this was their reason for moving to Arizona."

WE the Edwards Family moved from Mississippi to Arizona in March of 2009 to attend FWBC and we have been attending every Sunday FAITHFULLY, our Daughter Iris became the pianist since we started and we were there at the church every Sunday, even thought our drive was 3 hours one way, and the gas prices were $3.50-3.99 a gallon

[...]

My purpose for writing those posts is to warn people not to give up their lives savings, Homes, Jobs, Retirement, Medical and Dental plans and all the time, energy and moving expenses and headaches like we did to move here and serve God, see we were not approved by the Head of the church Zsusza therefore we had to go no matter what was the cost.

Mark my words. Brother Matthew "Butt" Stucky is next. Zsuzsanna has already stated "The guy is nuts." and brother Matthew no longer links to her blog.

Unrighteous Rogering

Pastor Steven L. Anderson
Faithful Word Baptist Church

Dear Pastor Anderson,

I think I've been doing a good job defending Ted Haggard and explaining the difference between sinfully dirty same-sex love and the healthy, righteous, heterosexual expression of fraternal respect that comes from the partaking of another man's seed. I hope you and your special acolyte, Brother Stucky, have had similar success in educating your flock.

But now, new information has come out about Pastor Haggard that makes me wonder if he is truly following our Lord's commandments. I'm particularly concerned about this story from Pastor Haggards special acolyte, Brother Grant Haas (as recounted by Sister Pam):

When Haas asked about her [Haggard's wife, Gayle] knowledge of these things, Ted told him "yes, she's a freak too", they went to sex toy stores and even molded a dildo together (calling it "Ted Two"), and put it into him.

I'm not sure what to think about this, so I'm asking you for guidance. Is this kind of thing acceptable? On the one hand, you have Mrs. Haggard strapping on a replica of the pastors little preacher and then giving him a right good rogering. That wouldn't seem to be in keeping with Eph.5:22-24 which commands wives to be submissive. But then again, if he commanded her to do it, it would be an act of submission, wouldn't it? Do you and Zsuzsanna have any experience with this kind of thing?

And, is it possible that by engaging in such an act, Pastor haggard was committing the sin of Onan? After all, he was sexually gratifying himself with his own proxy thingy. Or is being reamed by a replicate thingy acceptable? It's not really addressed in Gen.38:9-10 or anywhere else in the Bible--King James Version, anyway-- as far as I can see. They didn't have silicone to make replicas back then, so it probably never came up. And, I think giving yourself a righteous rogering using natural equipment would be impossible. I know, I've never been able to do it. How about you?

There's also the issue of a woman participating in a sacred fraternal rite for men. It just feels so wrong to allow women to do that. It's unrighteous rogering if you ask me.

Please get back to me soon. I'm not sure how I should address this with my flock, so I'll wait until I receive your response.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Brother Stucky's Inaugural Wishes

Brother Stucky preaches the Word:

I've had people say I need to have more compassion & our church needs to have more compassion for him....I suppose I should have compassion on the child rapists & on Adolf Hitler, etc.

People are very ignorant especially many Christians. I AM NOT praying for Obama to be blessed by God. I hope he dies quickly & another takes the office of the Presidency.

And here's what Pastor Anderson has to say (as an added bonus, he also reminds us that Jews killed Jesus):



Oh, Pastor Anderson has a new business.

And now for something completely different.

My favorite picture of Chief Justice Roberts.

Spartan Style Wrestling or Butt Stucky Orgy?

Brother Matthew Stucky
Guest Pastor
Online Media Coordinator
Faithful Word Baptist Church

Dear Brother Stucky,

Yesterday, I wrote Pastor Anderson an email praising you for outing Santa's sodomite reindeer and for advocating the execution of those whose love you disapprove.

But there was something else I addressed in that letter that began to bother me after I thought about it a bit. It was about your sermon called "Purge Out the Liberals." In it, you called Gomer Pyle a "faggot." That upsets me. Cpl. Pyle was a Marine, and damn it, I won't stand by silently while some non-serving mama's boy attacks the Corps. It just ain't right.

That got me to wondering if you are really all you appear to be, so I decided to check out your other writings. I must admit that I was sickened by what I saw. Take this comment you left in response to Pastor Anderson's sermon, "Heman vs. Onan" for instance. In reference to another pastor, you wrote:

I'll show you the lace on his underwear.

That doesn't sound very King James Version biblical to me. How'd you get his lacy underwear, anyway?

And then there's this tale from your blog:

Richie wanted to wrestle me before I left Morgantown but we didn't find time to do it... Cody was wanting to do some sparring with me as well. Cody & I have had a few submission matches back in Morgantown & they both ended in a draw...

Last night I wrestled all 3 of the Wilsons individually. I showed the Wilson boys how to do a triangle choke, an arm in triangle choke, a kimura, & an armbar from the mount. I also showed them how to escape a full mount & how to escape a rear naked choke.

"Submission matches?" "full mounts" "Rear naked chokes?" What in the name of Our Lord, Jesus, are you talking about there? I mean, hey, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with oiling yourself up and wrestling naked with another guy--I do it all the time--but it's all about context. 

There is no moment more sacred than that when two naked warriors grapple in the manner of our ancient Spartan forbears. It's a beautiful experience, one to be cherished and fondly remembered. But there is a fine line between driving your rigid spear of godly domination deep into a fellow warrior's cave of shame and two guys rolling around in some kind of butt stucky orgy. 

Your description of the matches as "submission matches" rather than the more warriorly term, "Spartan style wrestling," prompts me to wonder if these acts leaned a little more to the butt stucky side than would be appropriate.

I want you to think about that for awhile before responding.

I'll be praying for you.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

A helmet tip to Dave von Ebers

And now for something completely different.

It looks like her holiness, the Anchoress, bane of the brown menace, is edging out America-hater Driftglass. Don't forget to vote, every day.

Stoning Blitzen

Update: Brother Stucky deleted his blog, but his post "Satan Claus And His Queer Reindeer" is still available here.

Pastor Steven L. Anderson
Faithful Word Baptist Church

Dear Pastor Anderson,

I've been a huge fan of you work for quite awhile. Your sermon on the sin of peeing while sitting and the essay in which you accuse male gynecologists of being perverts are two of the finest examples of biblical scholarship I've ever seen.

But perhaps your greatest accomplishment is the way you've shepherded your flock. One congregant, Brother Matthew Stucky, serves as a living example of the good work you're doing. The sermon he gave in your stead while you were in Norway, "Purge Out the Liberals" was about as good a sermon as a god-fearing man could hear anywhere. I particularly liked the part where he called Gomer Pyle a "faggot."

I'm also very impressed with Brother Stucky's blog. I don't think anyone has made a better case for Santa's reindeer being The Gay than he does, here:

Santa's queer reindeer:
Take a look at the names of the 8 reindeer.
Blitzen, Comet, Cupid, Dancer, Dasher, Donder, Prancer and Vixen.

The person who originally came up with these names probably did not have this intent. They probably originally had some of the reindeer as male & some as female. However, the animated movie that was made in 1964 had a different idea. In the movie all 8 of these reindeer were male reindeer. Take a look at those names again. Male reindeer named Dancer, Prancer, Vixen & Cupid?!?!?!

[...]

I think from these names we know Vixen, Dancer, Prancer & Cupid are queer reindeer.

Let's go back to the story from the animated movie with Rudolph. Rudolph gets shy around girls & his nose turns red. As a result, the other reindeer won't let him play any reindeer games. That sounds sick, perverted & homosexual. Basically Rudolph like girls because he is straight & as a result they don't let him participate in their homosexual games.

[...]

According to the Bible homosexuality should be punishable by death. I would be overjoyed if every single queer in the entire world died today. The Bible makes it clear they are reprobates who are past the point of salvation. The Bible also makes it clear they are rapists & very wicked people. They have no chance to get saved and no saved person could ever become a queer. Therefore, I would be overjoyed if they all died tonight & our government would actually follow what the Bible states. The death penalty should be enacted for the queers.

Now that's what I call a powerful Christian sermon.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Update: I've been excommunicated:

You have been banned from Faithful Word Baptist Church Listeners
Sorry, patriotboy, you can not access Faithful Word Baptist Church Listeners as you have been banned. If you think you've been banned in error, you can contact the administrator.