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Tuesday, May 05, 2009

More responses to my emails (Including the Dinesh D'Souza blowup)

The response to my sniper application prompted interest in some of the other responses I've received, so I thought I'd post a few links to my favorites. And later, I'll post one I haven't published yet, an exchange I had with Hi-Caliber, the Republican Rapper.

Dinesh and me

I suggest that Dinesh D'Souzas choice of a leopard skin patterned carpet in his den might be evidence that he has fallen into the clutches of perversion.

Dinesh responds by calling me insane. I reply by asking if it was possible that Kieth Olberman might have laid his carpet without his knowledge.

I stand ready to serve the people of Illinois

(Two letters, one reply--I quoted the first letter and the reply in the third letter's post)

In the first letter, I ask Illinois State Senators Dave Syverson and Steve Rauschenberger to correct the huge mistake they made in recruiting Alan Keyes to run against Obama (I suggest that they create a scandal by engaging him in a three-way at a Cub's game).

Syverson replies and defends his choice, noting that I didn't come forward when they were looking for candidates.

I accept Syverson's challenge in the third letter and ask him to support my campaign.

Christian Wrestling (2 letters, 1 reply)

  • Reserve May 2nd on your Calendars--I invite Christian wrestler Rob Adonis to bring his show to our annual Christian Militia Old Time Revival and Tribulation Preparedness Expo and ask him if we can wrestle naked with his wrestlers in the manner of the ancient Spartan warriors.
  • Adonis replies--Adonis is willing to bring his show, but only his wrestlers will be allowed in the ring. I respond with suggestions about how to make the show more meaningful to the audience.

Letters to Ed (3 letters, 2 replies)

Ed Vitagliano is the editor of the AFA (American Family Association) Journal

Excommunicating Coach Shanahan (2 letters, 1 reply)
  • Nobody Expects the Conservative Inquisition--I congratulate the Catholic Bishop of Colorado Springs for reinstituting the inquisition for Democratic voters.
  • Excommunicating Coach Shanahan--The Bishop's assistant, Fr. Howard, replies, noting that the Bishop read my letter and is grateful for my kind and supportive words. I send a second letter, asking the Bishop to excommunicate Denver Bronco's Coach Mike Shanahan and a couple of the other major donors to the Diocese for contributing money to candidates who support abortion rights and stem cell research.


  1. Dear Jesus General

    I have searched the internets long and hard to discover a like spirt and once I found you it was as if veil were lifted from my eyes. I said to myself, self, and to my dogs Whistle and DickC, the General can help us with our rightous quest if no one else in this forsaken land of sodimites and gomorrhans then the General can. So with bended knees and uplifted eyes I implore the General to assist me.
    As the General is aware, the NRA is set to award the awesome Sarah Palin with a modified M-4 assault rifle chambered for the totally awesome Beowulf 50 caliber round. A round worthy of the title "totally awesome round". And as I gazed upon the picture of the totally-like white weapon engraved with Sarah darling's name and a map of the state of Alaska on the collapsible struck me like a lightening bolt between the eyes from Olympus. What if, stay with me, what if Governor Palin would pose with the weapon in a bikini.
    Whistle said it was a dumb idea, no one puts a bikini on a weapon. DickC said it might work if we put the bikini on the Governor. I said why not both! I mean like I love my calender of chicks with guns, pardon the pun.
    So in all due suppleness, I impeach the General to offer some advice on initiating a campaign to convince the Governor to pose with this like totally awesome weapon.

    Awesomely in awe of the General, your alcolyte, I await your response.

  2. Do you wear nose plugs when writing these e-mails? I would think you'd have to, to avoid damage to the keyboard from snorting laffsnot as you're typing.

  3. General, Sir:

    I think it's time for you to send a note to Carrie Prejean.

    This piece:

    about her privacy being invaded by people who want to make her look bad probably has her feeling a little down. I'm sure a note from you would cheer her up immensely, Sir.

  4. Thank you for your kind words Mr./Ms. Bukko.
    Democommie, do you believe you could ask Sister Prejean to give Governor Palin some advice on which bikini to wear in her upcoming photo shoot with the totally awesome M-4 chambered in the Beowulf 50 caliber?

  5. Gen.
    I think there is a book to be had from all these letters and replies. It worked for Don Novello.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.